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American Idol: Rumors Swirl Around Finale (Updated!)
By Mack Rawden: 2007-05-23 19:51:11
That’s right ladies and gentleman. It’s what you’ve all been waiting for. Cinema Blend’s third installment of ‘American Idol’ rumors and whispers is back. Like a gossip grenade we pull out the pin and launch only the most bitchy stories of singing lore into your living rooms. I guess I’m kind of like a catty Santa Clause except unlike that asshole I don’t make you open each juicy gift separately.
It was a busy week of backstabbing, arrests, and finale fever involving Paula Abdul, Kellie Picker’s dad, Britney Spears, and Antonella Barba. I know you’re excited; so, I’ll go ahead and jump right into all of the outrageousness. You may have noticed Paula Abdul’s nose was a little out-of-whack on last night’s episode. Over the last few days, scores of media outlets have been reporting that the ‘Idol’ judge fell trying to avoid her beloved chihuahua, Tulip. That’s a cute headline Paula, but I’m definitely not buying that one. I’m guessing it either involved an ill-advised cocaine sneeze or a Gordon Bombay cross-checking penalty. For those of you under fifteen, back in the day Emelio Estevez’s mighty duck used to waddle its way into Paula’s flying V. Quack, Quack. According to TMZ.com, three luscious and eliminated ‘Idol’ ladies are rooting against Blake. Antonella Barba, Haley Scarnato, and Gina Glockson have all posted messages on their MySpace’s urging their fans to vote for Jordin Sparks. Thank you. Apparently someone has been reading my articles. In a sad and not overly shocking story, Kellie Pickler’s dad has been busted again. This ass has been arrested for everything from stabbing his neighbor to stealing cars. Who would have thought an upstanding father like that would breed a vapid intellectual wasteland of a daughter? At least she seems nice. True story: I Googled this to try and find a link, and I kept clicking on articles from old arrests dating back a few years. This one should work from TMZ or click over to Reality TV World for last month’s arrest. This week there has also been rumblings of Britney Spears performing on tonight’s finale. These are totally unconfirmed but Perez Hilton has reported the story. I guess only time will tell. I’m not even sure if I want to see the busty blonde train wreck her way through a lip synced performance. That’s all for now guys. Check back all night as I will be continually updating the article with bitchy comments and catty opinions. Jordin Why does anyone think wearing jeans underneath a dress is a good idea? It’s probably the only reason I disagree with the feminist movement. Idol Producers Stop showing Jeff Foxworthy! Margaret Fowler This is why you shouldn't shoot livestock up with hormones. She's probably the reason why Colonel Sanders had a stroke. Smokey Robinson The man can sing, but he looks like shit. It's Michael J. Fox's great great black grandfather. Blake Is it possible that he actually got gayer? Who wears a hoodie with that hat? At least Doug E. Fresh looks sharp. Paula I love how she stands up and gets excited for every performance. I swear she would wave her hands and smile to a snuff film. Hasselhoff The Hoff is back this year! No word yet on how many tears he will squirt this time. Constantine Does he still scare the hell out of everyone else? He'd stab me and then sing beautiful melodies over my dead corpse. Carrie Underwood Easily the hottest woman in the world. This is not an opinion. God just told me. She's the reason why I would fight for my country. Damnit! Carrie Underwood is out as my dream girl. I rescind my marriage proposal. Why does everyone keep wearing jeans underneath their dresses! Someone send 'Idol' a memo. Thanks Joe Perry Pairing Joe Perry with Sanjaya is like pouring ketchup and cat hair all over your medium rare steak. Working Class Hero Memo to anyone under twenty reading this. Drive to your local record store and buy John Lennon's "Plastic Ono Band" right now. It's one of the best CDs ever made, and it includes this song. Green Day I normally don't like Green Day, but that was awesome. I love how they just edited the "F" bombs instead of changing them to something cheesy. BREAKING NEWS! Taylor Hicks is not dead. BREAKING NEWS! Rubin Studdard is not dead either. New Poll Question Does Bette Middler look worse or sound worse? Good Lord. She's like a nighmare clad in goth clothes. Dim The Lights...Here We Go The winner of 'American Idol 2007' is Jordin Sparks! Congratulations Jordin. I probably won't buy your record, but anytime Blake looses, I feel like a winner. You're probably sick of all my comments by now; so click over to TV Blend for some real analysis.
Which Season 6 Idol's Album Are You Most Likely To Buy?
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