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Uwe Boll Kicks Crap Out Of Critics
By Scott Gwin: 2006-09-25 00:00:00
Uwe Boll, infamous for making movies that critics (and everyone else for that matter) love to hate, challenged some of his most vocal opponents to a boxing match. Four movie critics stepped in the ring this weekend for their chance to do what so many of us would like to: hit him square in the face. The results were almost as disappointing as having to watch one of Boll's movies.
The Canadian AP reported a 4-0 victory for Boll. Richard Kyanka, webmaster of www.somethingawful.com, went first. After mockingly declaring to the Canadian crowd that their country was harboring a terrorist by hosting Boll, he was KO'd by the director in the first round. Jeff Sneider of Ain't It Cool News went next. He bowed out taking a technical knock out, complaining that what he expected to be a PR stunt was nothing more than "getting punched in the head". What part of boxing did he not understand? Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue radio and magazine was third. He managed a slick trick of his own first, though, spewing out blood from the mouth after a particularly brutal round of punches to the head. It was fake, but looked real enough to give Boll a start. "I spat it out. I freaked him out exactly like I wanted to do, it was poetry," said Alexander. "It was my Jedi mind trick to try and disorient him." It was a moral victory though, and Boll still won the match with a knock out. Last up was Nelson Chance Mintner, a 17 year-old web site critic. He went out with a TKO, giving Boll a perfect victory over his critics. It was an embarrassing turn out for the critics, but a boost for Boll who is prepping his next project In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. It's yet another in his series of awful video game to movie adaptations. Following the fights, Boll offered this small consolation to the critics: "I like now the critics. Everybody who was in the ring showed (guts). Nobody dived.". You may like them Uwe, but I don't think they're going to like you any better for this. Maybe if you gave up making movies and moved full time to pro boxing?
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September 25th, 2006 at 23:48
Hats off to Uwe for his amazing victory! This was a totally awesome contest, I think it's great how he showed everyone. The best part was hand picking four opponents who weighed forty pounds less than him, telling them all it was a PR stunt and that he wouldn't hit anyone, and then absolutely smashing their faces in on TV and telling the press it was a real boxing match!!! Comic genius!!! I mean come on, training with a professional boxer and fighting in the semipro circuit and then unloading on a bunch of misinformed welterweights? How AWESOME is that? The only uncool part is that guy who was vomiting his own blood afterwards made it off the respirator and lived. It would have been much better if the headline was 'Uwe Kills All Criticism'. Wouldn't that totally go awesome with being a horror director? Love you Uwe!!! Your films are the BEST!!!