Earlier this month, takeout chain Pizza Patron announced it would give away free larges on June 5th between 5 and 8 PM to all customers who order in Spanish. Approximately seventy percent of the business’ regular clients are of Hispanic origin, and executives thought it would be a fun way to increase brand awareness within a target community. Who doesn’t love free pizza, right? Unfortunately, it turns out a whole lot of people apparently like bitching more than free pizza.

Over the past few weeks, the promotion has been hit with a serious negative backlash both among native Spanish speakers and English speakers. Some think it’s biased to favor an individual group, and others think it’s inappropriate for citizens to speak Spanish in public when they could just as easily speak English. Maybe I’m alone on my island of free pizza excitement, but let me speak for the residents here when I say, “What the fuck?”

I have done far worse than utter one sentence in Spanish to get free pizza. I’ve filled out credit card applications. I’ve promised my roommates I’d do the dishes for two weeks. I’m sure given the opportunity, I’d probably do far more embarrassing things in the name of free slices, and frankly, I’m dumbfounded more people aren’t with me, especially considering the chain is going to teach English speakers how to order the pizza if they don’t know any Spanish.

It’s not even about the money. It’s about the coolness of free pizza. According to USA Today, Pizza Patron’s larges only cost $4.99, but free shit is free shit.

Is this promotion biased in some ways? Yeah, probably. But is free pizza free pizza? You bet your hungry face it is.

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