I’ve been accused of being many things in my three decades of life. Stubborn. Frustrating. Aggravated in my assaults. But I have sadly never been called “hellasexy.” Fortunately, I can now finally put to rest all my sleepless nights spent wondering about the hella-quotient of my sexiness, and it’s all thanks to Showtime’s Californication.

As part of their effort to promote today’s release of Californication: Season 2 on DVD, not to mention the show’s upcoming third season, the fine fornicating Californians have provided us with a “How Sexy Are You?” quiz, complete with an amusing graphic of David Duchovny attempting to smoke while underwater. And still, alas, looking far more hellasexy than I will ever manage.

Click on over to AreYouHellaSexy.com and test your sex-ocity. After taking the quiz, apparently my sexiness is equivalent to that of the bald guy from It’s Like, You Know…, which was somewhat disappointing. Then I remembered that he spent last season sleeping with Carla Gallo, so now I’m okay with it.

Californication returns for a third season on September 28th, and you can pick up the second-season DVD set in stores now.