There aren’t any overweight women on ‘The Hills,’ so I can’t make any type of joke about fat ladies and things being over, but, for a season finale, things felt ambiguously unresolved, and not in the set-up-for-the-next-season type of cliffhanger, but the we-don’t-know-if-Whitney-got-the-job type of annoying vagueness. Whitney, greeted by a disingenuously welcoming Emily (who, apparently, sports her queenly polish even more when she’s working her home turf), may have been nervous for her interview, but her model-like poise certainly did a flawless job of covering up the nerves. Perhaps splotchy editing spliced major chunks out of the interview, because it appeared that Amy called Whitney to New York just to ask her who her favorite designers are. (Couldn’t she have done this through a phone interview, or, better yet, watched old clips of ‘The Hills,’ to really understand the complexities of Whitney?) Whitney seemed to ace the interview with her stylized and classy enthusiasm, but the outcome was never revealed. Now, I genuinely believe that Whitney has made some prodigious progress in the airtime department and that her career search warranted an adequate finale send-off. Rule 17 of ‘Hills’ Season 2: Speidi drama trumps all.

Apparently, in Spencer’s warped version of English, “get out of my car” means, “It’s not over - I’m buying you an apartment.” A torn Heidi may have gotten mixed messages from Lauren (“I’m not living with you – I’m living with your stuff”), but Bolthouse confidants (and relationship experts) Elodie and Kristen insisted Heidi stay with Lauren. Heidi, though, after following Spencer’s instructions regarding his surprise over a phone call at work, met Spencer in their new apartment. His desperate ploy to finally get an affirmative response from Heidi worked, but only after Heidi asked him to promise that he’d never have any more sketchy encounters with questionable girls at clubs (though Spencer cryptically did not use the word “promise” in his answer).

Brody deserves some type of recognition for accurately evaluating the Spencer-Heidi move-in. He identified Spencer’s only reason for wanting to move in with Heidi as his need to remove Lauren from the picture. Spencer assured Brody (and himself) that even though Heidi would be living with him, he would still remain the same, player-at-heart person (the guy carries around two phones: Home Boy phone and Girlfriend phone).

Lauren brought out that subtly detached bitchiness when Heidi told her that she’d be moving out, and was totally shocked, just days later (in ‘Hills’ time, that is), to come home to Heidi, packed boxes, and a U-Haul (Heidi neglected to tell her she’d be leaving so soon). The reflection in that rear mirror on the U-Haul was surely the most poignant image captured by ‘The Hills’ this season. Lauren told Heidi that she could come back whenever she wants, but it was Audrina who so happily took her place shortly after. Audrina’s unbelievable social-climbing ability finally saw its deserved culmination.

Elodie’s hair dyeing and its metaphorical significance may just warrant its own recap. Elodie’s transformation into a brunette couldn’t have been any more indicative of the season finale. A woman can dye her brown, but it won’t stay brown. Life changes abounded on this season finale, but, just like the dyeing of Elodie’s hair, there was an ominous impermanence to all of them (okay, yes, I am actually spending time analyzing a metaphor on ‘The Hills’). Heidi, as she went home to cook a pasta meal (aka the signature ‘Laguna’-‘Hills’ home-cooked meal – you must all remember that infamous pasta meal Kristen and Jessica cooked for Dieter and Jason) for Spencer, felt eerily similar to the Lauren who drove to the beach house after turning down Paris to start her summer with Jason and, well, we all know how that ended.

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