Josh's One Sheet Wonders

Posters exist for movies that are coming out some time soon. We have them. We keep them to ourselves, but take pictures of them to prove to you that they actually exist. Then I make fun of them. How often it shows up depends on how often I really get to it, but for now let’s call “One Sheet Wonders” semi-weekly. Comic Con reports are rolling in at other locations and we’ve got the posters.

“The Rock” really shouldn’t be doing movies about driving cars, much less one with a poster that bears a weird resemblance to the failed promotion of Tomb Raider. It’s all such a sad waste of his tremendous muscles. Circular logos in the background is fast on its way to becoming the new floating heads.

So it’s official. John Travolta’s career has careened downward to the point where Jay Hernandez is now his equal. Ok, I guess that’s no surprise but then what the hell is Joaquin Pheonix doing on this poster? What happened Joaquin? I thought you were M. Night’s new Bruce Willis? Say it ain’t so! I don’t care how bad that hairlip is looking, you’re still bigger than Morris Chestnut.

As much as I’m looking forward to starship themed space adventure crossed with shoot-em up westerns on the big screen, this Serenity poster has got to go. First off, what’s up with the font? What kind of sissy crew writes the name of their ship in that font? And what about people who never watched the television show “Firefly”? What if they don’t know what the heck a “Serenity” is. That’s not exactly the most detailed representation of the ship. And what’s with the random planet in the bottom right corner? This movie needs all the promotional help it can get and this isn’t it.

I still don’t really understand what Constantine is going for. Is it a Matrix knockoff, is this Keanu redoing Johnny Mnemonic, or is this some sort of weird rip-off of Hellboy? Whatever it is, Constantine still hasn’t found it’s own style and this promotional poster from Comic Con just isn’t any help.

Three gorgeous posters for Sin City (which I still don’t understand) from the folks at Comic Con via the Latino Review. The Jessica Alba poster is particularly stunning in light of the recent announcement that she’ll be playing Sue Storm in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie. Maybe she really can pull off being a blonde. How this great one sheet style will relate to what they’re actually going to show us on the screen in Sin City remains to be seen, but artwork like this ought to be a sweet collector’s item.

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