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The Film Habit #18 - September 3, 2004 How many movies have you seen this week? My count since Sunday is right at a steady zero. Some of you may have noticed as a symptom the distinct absence of my promised Wicker Park review. The screening was Tuesday, but I couldn’t work up the heft to get out the door and go. That was the day that we found out that my wife’s health may be going awry and I haven’t had much energy for movies since. To make matters worse I’d just started reading The Stand… which as books go isn’t much of a cure for depression.
Why can’t doctors come up with a better way to tell you something is wrong than to mutter something about a black spot on your kidney. At least pretend you know what it is. Lie to us, tell us it’s probably nothing but we just need to check. Don’t put me through a week of hell in which I obsess over the words, “This is cause for concern.” I’ve had enough of hospitals and hospital waiting rooms. Last year was spent almost entirely in hospitals. I don’t think my spouse can handle being stuck back in another sick bed, just when things were at last supposed to be fine. I know I’m certainly in no state to be reviewing movies. I don’t think I’d even be able to give Spider-Man 2 a good review in this state. I’ve got to stop obsessing and surfing WebMD (which always makes things seem even worse) and think of something else. So you’ll find me all over on the CB Forum babbling on about movies that right now to me don’t seem to be of any consequence at all, no matter how hard I try to present the air that I still care deeply about Serenity or X-Men 3. Still, it’s good to be back doing this after a week of Film Habit hiatus. Where’ve you been? Delusional Fanboy Friendly  You know what’s kinda cute? The way fans of unsuccessful or crappy movies find ways to justify the film in their head. Oh be honest, we’ve all done it, if not publicly maybe somewhere in the dark recesses of your head late at night when you’re laying in bed wishing you could dig that movie about Anakin. Or look at the way Hellboy fans desperately try to cling to the notion that the movie was financially successful, even though it cost $96 million to make and only managed $77 million at the box office. Or the way the one or two Punisher fans out there hold tightly to the idea that there will be a Punisher 2, almost as justification of their love of what we all know is a pretty putrid film. It’s not your fault guys, the movie did after all have John Travolta. It was doomed from the outset.
That sort of fuzzy fanboy logic used to bother me, I guess that’s a natural reaction when you get threatening emails from rabid AvP fans who can’t accept that anyone who had really seen the movie could possibly write a bad review. I guess we know who was right on that one don’t we? But lately I think that sort of self-deception isn’t such a bad thing. It’s just a natural result of being passionate about something and more importantly being passionate about movies. Sure, you’re full of shit and any reasonable person knows it, but at least you’re spouting bullshit out of love. Utterly misplaced love, but love nonetheless. There’s something right about that, even coming from someone incapable of comprehending a reality where Battlefield Earth is the worst movie ever made (Yes I’m talking to you Mr. Travolta and no there is not a secret cult following for your Scientologist film, except among Scientologists which I guess maybe means there IS a cult following! Hey you were right!).  So go ahead with your deluded fantasies about how important it was to bore us all to death with political analysis in the Star Wars prequels when we could have been knee deep in the Clone Wars. Keep on telling yourself that Hellboy sold enough DVD’s to make it a raging success. As long as you don’t start sending me death threats when I smack you upside the head with reality, I’m all for it. You may be wrong, but at least you’re reasons for being insanely wrong are pure… I guess.
me to make excuses for Lucas. What to Watch New movies come out each week. I don’t see all of them, but still feel qualified to tell you which movie you should watch. Feed your film habit from my picks… or don’t. If there was ever a month to watch DVDs, it’s probably September.  Will Smith’s music video for “Summertime” has finally been made into a movie, inadvertently. They’re calling it The Cookout and it stars all the usual suspects plus Danny Glover. Boy does Tim Meadows ever need a sequel to The Ladies Man. Till that happens, he’s not even worth watching in a cameo.
Boo Radley finally got his own movie. No wait sorry this is Bo Laramie, son of Bob Laramie the Laramie cigarette tycoon. Paparazzi is sort of a Hollywood star wet dream in which a celebrity goes on a crazed killing spree against those guys who killed Princess Di. They probably deserve it, but unless you’re Harrison Ford or one of those metrosexual guys who has a poster of Lady Di still in his closet I don’t see any reason to bother with it. Then there’s Wicker Park, a remake of the memory challenged movie Wrought Iron Garden. This version stars Josh Hartnett, who I’m told has finally gotten his hair right. Though this may give him Sampson-like strength I don’t know if it’ll do much for his acting, but hey the old version of this was kinda good so who knows. I’m so beaten down and disinterested this week in just about everything in theaters, but I guess maybe you can do better.  I’m going with Vanity Fair this week, not because I have heard good things about it (which I have) and not because I particularly like Reese Witherspoon (which I really don’t), but because in the poster she looks like a blood sucking vampire and I think that’s cool. Hey what do you want from me? None of the movies this week are awe inspiring. It’s September. It could be worse, we could all be out watching Highlander: Endgame. This story of growing up in London and luring in rich men might not be too painful. Give it a go. me and complain if it puts you to sleep..
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