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The Film Habit #32 - December 22, 2004 You are truly blessed this week. We’ve got a respiratory system for news. I’m not sure how long it’ll last, but lap it up while you can. The number of news updates has been flying on the site fast and fierce to the point that I think Monday Matt and I may have set a record for BNN productivity. The drawback to that is Rafe’s always wonderful DVD Diggers weekly column got buried in the avalanche of movie trailers and lack of Keira Knightley nudity rumors. He had the bad fortune to post it right before the news weather event, so if you missed this week’s edition, go here to catch up.
With the holiday thingies approaching, no doubt many of you won’t be back here for a few weeks, since you won’t have work boredom to propel you into Cinema Blend’s loving embrace. That doesn’t mean we won’t still be working, so if you’re rockin around the Christmas tree, take a break and catch up on what we’ll be cranking out over the time that most people refer to as their break. If you don’t, then we wish you a Happy Festivus, have a gift:  me for info on how you can contribute further to The Human Fund. The Phantom Screener  It’s awards voting season, and that means my mailbox is flooded with screeners from needy films craving critical validation. I’m still somewhat shocked to think that anyone cares about being validated by me. A week or so ago the flood of screeners quickly outpaced my ability to watch them all this century, but luckily enough the flood abated this week as studios give up and just hope for the best. That’s allowing me some time to work my way through the stack, and no doubt over the present-giving holiday I’ll have a chunk of film viewing experiences in my living room. That experience won’t include Million Dollar baby, which I received as a screener, got excited about, and then found it to be yet another defective dud. This week, burned out by reviewing tons of theatrical releases and watching the wonders of the Return of the King Extended Edition I only had time to fit in one screener flick, The Phantom of the Opera
Michael Brody turned in his review of it a couple of days ago… and I’m delighted that he did. It’s a fantastic piece of reviewing and if you haven’t, check out what he thought of Phantom here. Like the esteemed Mr. Brody, I am under whelmed. I was lucky enough to see the stage play a few years back in Austin. I went with my wife, only then she wasn’t and at the time we weren’t even dating. In fact she was smitten with me, and I of course was oblivious, simply assuming her to be completely out of my league. I was right, but she seemed to like me anyway. Probably heard about my penchant for wearing soft cotton thongs. Though no doubt what I saw was infinitely inferior to the Broadway or Toronto production’s of Andrew Lloyd’s popular masterpiece, it blew me away. Joel Schumacher’s on screen adaptation translates the play into a movie… and nothing more. He does a great job of bringing exactly what is in the play to life, with a full, 3-Dimensional living world, but he does so without bringing much of the emotion and excitement of the play along with it. It doesn’t help that the folks he has singing aren’t particularly good. Emmy Rossum is solid as Christine and her voice, while perhaps not on par with any of the stage play’s cast is beautiful and nuanced. The men however are weak and pathetic, their acting a whimper and their singing lacking in power or convincing feeling. I enjoyed watching Schumacher’s Phantom, but wish he’d spent less time on constructing fantastic theater sets and more on giving it a spark. He also might have considered giving the Phantom a mask not made out of cheap, dollar-store plastic. me to lament the demise of dime stores. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Broadband  I’m going to go a little off film topic here to talk about a group I hate. They call themselves Ygnition Networks and in addition to the charity work they do on the weekends for Sauron, they are my broadband provider. Not by choice, but because my apartment management cut a deal with them to make them the sole provider of high speed internet and general ass rapery for anyone and everyone living in my complex. That group would include me. Since they effectively have us all in a Super Camel Clutch, Ygnition Networks feels no need to bother with little things like customer service… or any service at all for that matter. Over the past year, they’ve beaten me down into their personal David Spade, begging for scraps from their internet table. I’ve figured out why. They’ve been preparing me for this.
Two nights ago I made a mistake. I tried to use bandwidth. They suspended my account. Of course they didn’t tell me they’d suspended my account, they simply did it. My only clue was when the little green light on my cable modem suddenly started blinking instead of emitting that steady, friendly glow that tells me all is well in my world. When called and asked for comment, I was informed that my account had been suspended because I was using my computer as a server. When I informed them that this was not the case, their logical response was “we suspended it because you were using bandwidth”. Now this came as something of a shock to me, since in point of fact I thought that the reason I handed over an exorbitantly high amount of money to them every month was so that they could provide me with the aforementioned bandwidth, preferably in unlimited amounts as advertised. Yet this problem didn’t even seem to be with the amount of bandwidth I was using as much as it was that I was using bandwidth at all. Surprised, I calmly pointed this out to him, to which he responded, “You must have been using some sort of file sharing software or having your computer act as a server. We showed you downloading something for a long time; this is a violation of your terms of service agreement. It’s in the agreement!” “So you’re saying that my terms of service agreement prohibits me from downloading things from the internet? That doesn’t sound a little strange to you?” I further queried, “Do you know what a server does? It downloads and uploads information. The fact that your records show me downloading information does not mean that my computer was acting as a server, nor do I have any sort of file sharing software.” To this I glibly added the softly muttered motivational phrase, “imbecile” assuming I had overcome with my superior intellect and biting wit. I was wrong. Sure of his own position, the Ygnition Technical representative on my telephone stuck to his guns and loudly proclaimed, “Well you were hogging bandwidth, and if it happens again you will be fined.” Now utterly defeated, I responded, “Well ok, how much bandwidth can I use?” Sensing my despair the tech went in for the kill… “There is no set amount.”  At this point I think my head literally fell right off my shoulders. I picked it up, and while attempting to re-attach it asked “Then how do you know when to lock my account??” The Ygnition Tech of course had all the answers, “When your machine is acting like a server. Your account is now unlocked, service should be resorted in 15 minutes to 3 hours. Don’t let this happen again.” Not content to leave well enough alone, I made one final attempt for sanity by asking, “How will I know if I’m doing whatever it is that I’m not supposed to do?” Of course the response was, “When we fine you and lock your account.” Unable to compete with this airtight logic, I hung up and stared blankly at my computer monitor for an hour until I once again saw that steady green glow.
me to volunteer your time filling and lighting bags of poo. Letters From Close Enough to the Edge to See the View But Not So Close That There is Danger of Falling Off  Guided by the spirit of the small Asian woman to your left (who I really need to replace with something more snazzy), I answer reader mail. It’s new, it’s innovative, and no doubt this idea will be ripped off by thousands of copycats, like that hack David Letterman. your comments to have them read on the… er answered here. Let’s see what you folks have to say this week: Marvenia: This is for the Phantom of the Opera Contest. Josh: You lose. Steve: Your Alexander review is a hit in New York… you had ad agency laughing over it… Josh: I guess that officially makes my review a bigger hit than the film. Anthony: Question for Spielberg: What i'd like to know is , Is this a completly new movie or just a remake? And, If it is new what kind fo changes can we expect? Josh: You’re the Terry Gilliam of Spielberg questioning. Garrett: I just read your preview of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and thought I'd mention that Doug Liman directed The Bourne Identity and Paul Greengrass directed The Bourne Supremacy (complete with shaky camera). Mr. Liman also exec. produced Supremacy. Anyway, I enjoyed the site and the reviews. Josh: Hi Garrett, see last week’s response to Hairyloo only remove all the sarcasm and snarky rudeness and replace it with genuine appreciation and politeness. Hey! Do you like writing for mildly successful movie websites with no guarantee that you’ll ever be paid? Are you over 18? You’re in luck. CinemaBlend.com is looking for writers just like you. If you think you can capture the signature Cinema Blend style as a DVD critic and/or BNN reporter send me an with a few samples and we’ll talk. |
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