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The Film Habit #40 - March 9, 2005 It’s been a long week at CB Central, I’m amazed I’m getting this thing up in such good order. My wife totaled her car last Friday, with me and a friend in it. We all walked away from it, but a good deal more bruised and battered than we were when we got in. Of course the most bruised part of my body had to be my mouse arm, which has made site updates a regular barrel of fun. Still, we all walked away and that’s a pretty big win if you ask me.
Otherwise, I’ve spent a good portion of the week continuing to put off the completion of the “MacGuyver” Season 1 set I’m supposed to be reviewing. The show is great, even after all these years. A good reminder of why I used to like Richard Dean Anderson. “Stargate” certainly hasn’t done much to remind me in recent years. Instead, I’m watching the new Incredibles DVD, and loving every single feature filled minute of it. me with the name of a good chiropractor. Preferably one who doesn’t use duct tape. X Out Storm Talk of Halle Berry returning as Storm in X3 surfaced this week. We’d all just assumed she was out after her outrageous demands that her character be made the film’s lynchpin. We were wrong. Never underestimate a greedy Fox executive’s hunger for Oscar winning star power.  So will they expand Storm’s role? Should they? Obviously not, but maybe not for the reasons you’re thinking… namely that Halle Berry cannot act. No, here’s a better one: It doesn’t fit in this universe.
In order to expand Storm's role in the films, that means spending some time exploring her origins. This would be a terrible idea. Of the X-Men, her origins are some of the most fantastical. She was a crazed African goddess leading some freaky tribe or something right? That works in the comics, it’s even kind of cool. But that’s not going to fit in the movie universe. The whole point of the X-Men movies so far has been that of portraying ordinary people with special gifts being discriminated against for simply being themselves. We can identify with Rogue and her fight because she's just a Southern girl. Rogue is a normal person, she wants to kiss boys, go to the prom, whatever. But she's cursed/gifted with this ability that makes this impossible. She’s not an African princess cum superhero, she’s just a kid. We can identify with Nightcrawler, because he's a kind, deeply spiritual man who wants people to see him for who he is on the inside. He lived a humble life in the circus... and has been reviled by people for the way he looked. Then there's Storm... a freakin Goddess with delusions of grandeur. At least she has claustrophobia. No thanks. Instead, let's stick to telling those more down to earth stories. Tell us the story of Colossus, a Russian of incredible strength, who sacrifices to save his ailing sister. Or heck even Cyclops, captain of the football team type, a boyscout who can never look on people with his own eyes... unless he wants to KILL THEM.  Those are characters with interesting, personal back stories that fit into this MOVIE world, which has succeeded by having its audience connect with each character on a personal, easy to identify with level. I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time identifying with maniacal African rain goddesses.
This past week I've been watching the Incredibles DVD extra features. I’m supposed to be reviewing it, but as usual have been slow to get started. Anyway, one of the things Brad Bird talks about a lot on the disc’s attached documentaries is how important it was to contrast the MUNDANE with the FANTASTIC in his story. To tell that story properly he thought it was important to make his heroes’ every day life as MUNDANE and painfully normal as possible. To do that, he threw out suggestions of a futuristic world filled with flying cars and character designs which made Bob look too heroic. It was important to make these characters normal people in their every day lives, in order to contrast that with the FANTASTIC things going on in their superhero lives. It makes the characters feel more real, more personal, no matter how much superpower they have. That’s a huge part of what’s made X-Men work and we can only hope that without Bryan Singer there, Fox has someone else involved on the project who knows that. Halle had her shot at being front and center in a superhero flick. It was Catwoman, a movie which is only a shadow of the disaster that X3 will be if Berry has her way. me to Berry yourself in X-Lore. Remakes Snuggled  We spend a lot of time here at Cinema Blend trashing unnecessary remakes. Hey, it’s easy and we’re lazy. Nobody wants to see Gene Wilder whited out and replaced with a grinning Johnny Depp version of Willy Wonka. But though a lot of movies deserve to be untouched, there are plenty of pictures out there that could stand a makeover. Some need to be remade. Here’s my shortlist of upcoming remakes we should all approve of:
Masters of the Universe This movie starred Dolph Lundgren. We can do better. Bring in Vin Diesel! Anything Japanese (Antarctica, One Missed Call, The Ring 2) The Japanese have good ideas, but their movies are weird. Remake it! The Longest Yard While we’re at it, let’s just remake anything and everything that once starred Burt Reynolds. He’s ripe for it. Maybe upgrade Smokey and the Bandit by having Bandit played by Billy Bob Thornton. Or better still we could go really different and have him played by Denzel, turn it into a socially relevant movie about racial profiling. Flash Gordon Higher quality evil mustaches can only make things better. Also, not designing the sets to look like a Queen music video might add something to the picture. This time around, try shooting it like a Duran Duran video. me with the remake you’d most like to cuddle. Letters From Close Enough to the Edge to See the View But Not So Close That There is Danger of Falling Off  Guided by the spirit of the small Asian woman to your left (who I really need to replace with something more snazzy), I answer reader mail. It’s new, it’s innovative, and no doubt this idea will be ripped off by thousands of copycats, like that hack David Letterman. your comments to have them read on the… er answered here. Let’s see what you folks have to say this week: Joey: Im not sure if anyone has yet clarified this, but I noticed on your page where the "charlie and the chocolate factory" photos are, that A comment was made...... "whats up with the squirrels". In the original Book Veruca Salt does not go down a garbage chute where Geese Lay Golden Eggs, In the book that room doesnt exist, In The book her and Her parents all get pushed into a trash pit in a room where tempermental Chipmunks take the shells off nuts for chocolate bars, so Tim Burton is actually following the book with that scene. Josh: How dare that bastard Burton betray his source material by using squirrels instead of chipmunks. Unforgivable. Bring back Wilder! Erik Jendresen: What an exquisitely misinformed piece you published on 3/1/05. And how bitter! There is a noble effort under way, and it is horribly offensive to read such rubbish. And with such an embarrassment of mis-information. Josh: Hi Erik, I can only assume you’re the same Erik Jendresen rumored to be writing Star Trek XI in our news story here. Which part of our piece is misinformed? The part that points out you don’t have very many writing credits next to your name or the part that theorizes the existence of red pointy horns on Rick Berman’s head? Whatever the case, I sincerely wish you the best of luck. I love Star Trek and want nothing more than for you to completely blow me away with your work on this project. Try putting Ziggy posters above your desk. Those cheer people up I hear. You’ll need it if you’re working for Berman. Nell: I have two points to make here. Firstly, if there is any way you can get hold of the Wallace and Gromit shorts i would suggest you do, because they represent some of the best filmmaking of recent times. Also, i recently read your review of Chicken Run. How can you not like Chicken Run? I found it one of the most moving films i've ever seen, akin to the Iron Giant in its ability to get you to empathise with cartoon characters. Please, watch it again, ignore Mel Gibson's lack of voice talent, listen to the words and the score and see if you can find the film i found. Josh: Why would I want to continually rewatch something I dislike until I like it? That Nell is called brainwashing. Instead, why don’t you rewatch it until you hate it. Then get back to me. Travis Rogers:I'm a Filmmaker / Webmaster of a movie website called Domain of the Infinite. Domain of the Infinite is an online movie studio that creates original DVDs and movie downloads. My website has several movies in the works, every thing from sci-fi, comedy, and horror. The current film is a Sci-Fi movie called Ryak 7. In the future and on a distant planet, where earth colonies fight over the ruins of an alien civilization. One man begins to see strange dreams and visions of the planet's alien past. I would greatly appreciate if you can review my website. Josh: Cinema Blend, not Homemade Website Whose Purpose Is Confusing And May Be Illeagal Blend. Hey! Do you like writing for mildly successful movie websites with no guarantee that you’ll ever be paid? Are you over 18? You’re in luck. CinemaBlend.com is looking for writers just like you. If you think you can capture the signature Cinema Blend style as a DVD critic and/or BNN reporter send me an with a few samples and we’ll talk. |
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