I’m moving! Sometime in the next week or so I’ll be the rather nervous owner of my first house. It’s small, cheap, and located far too close to a flea market for my liking, but it’s mine. I’ve never actually wanted home ownership, I’m pretty happy with the flexibility (and lack of lawn care) afforded by apartments. However, getting married means that sometimes you latch onto your life mate’s dreams, and so I’m along for the ride on this one. Oh god, I think this means I’ll have to mow my lawn. That’s something I haven’t missed.

Hopefully, once I schedule movers (it’s over 100 degrees here, you try moving yourself when you’re a pasty nerd) and get things like internet hooked up, it’ll go smoothly enough that I won’t be out of commission here for any length of time. If I am, expect Rafe to be unusually testy in his podcast, since he’ll be covering my ass. Good luck Rafe!

me with tips to dodge property taxes.

Kicking Around Katie

I don’t get it. Why does anyone care about Katie Holmes? The tabloid explosion over Tom Cruise’s weird antics I get, but does Katie Holmes deserve any attention just for dating him? Maybe in the weird celebrity world that means something, dating the biggest star on the planet. But as an actress, Katie’s never done much for me, or anyone else. Her best work so far was in the under-watched indie Pieces of April, but outside of that I’ve seen nothing from her but dazed, wooden acting. I once had a teacher named Mrs. Holmes. She didn't like to wear bras. It wasn't a good thing.

But back to the less disgusting Kate. It’s a shame too really. I saw her on Letterman the other night and she comes off as pretty mature, together, and bright. Certainly a lot moreso than some of the other actresses in her peer group. Kirsten Dunst anyone? Ugh. Of course her boyfriend is a total lunatic, but Katie herself seems not entirely stupid. Katie, if you want to continue to have a career after Tom Cruise dumps you, get working right now. Avoid using your newfound by proxy fame to land more big, showy blockbusters like Batman where you look completely lost. Do more indie work, focus on realistic drama. Fantasy (whether in relationships or movies) isn’t your thing.

me to insist that you are not at all gay.

MJ Designs

Michael Jackson is going to go crazy now. I bet he stopped by a playground on his way home to pick up a new “friend”. There’s no stopping him. He’ll never be brought into court again. He can have all the kids he wants. It’s going to be sick at his house this weekend. I think I’m going to be ill. He should invest in a chain of Chuck-E-Cheese’s. Why wouldn’t he? Enjoy yourself Michael, apparently you have our permission. We all look forward to the movie of your life, starring Kevin Bacon.

Do not me about Michael Jackson. Seriously.

Cinderella Me

I guess it’s time I talk about Cinderella Man. I’ve been putting it off for a couple of weeks now, and its poor box office performance only made it easier for me to shove in back of the line. Part of the reason I’ve been avoiding it is that I’m not quite sure what I think of it.

Here’s the thing, Ron Howard is a masterful director. Russell Crowe is an amazing actor. Renee Zellwegger is um… really squinty. But this movie just didn’t move me the way it seems to have so many other people. I’d be hard pressed to tell you what it is, the film just doesn’t grab me. A movie like this trades on pure, emotional gut reaction from the audience to draw people in. For me, Cinderella Man never elicited much emotion. It’s a solid movie, an enjoyable movie, but I never found myself getting particularly caught up in it.

Part of the reason for that is the boxing sequences, which are filmed (or so I’m told) to show Braddock’s in close fighting style. The result is that we get a lot more of that extreme closeup cam that everyone is so sick of and already making excuses for in Batman Begins. Personally, I don’t care about Braddock’s fighting style, I just want to see the fight. There’s a really great moment when Braddock has taken a real beating, and to psych his opponent out, even though he’s and bleeding like hell, he stands there and smiles at him with this bloody, crazed grin. That’s a fantastic moment. It’d like to have seen it followed up with some really hard hitting punches when Braddock beats the hell out of this guy he’s just scared to death. I never felt like I got it. The fight scenes aren’t bad, they’re just part for the course, exactly what you’d expect from any old boxing movie. There’s nothing new there.

The same is true of the rest of the film really. It’s all very well done, just par for the course. I could have told you all the plot details of the movie sight unseen. It’s blatantly obvious Oscar bait. Maybe I’m burned out on the genre. Perhaps that explains it. Whatever the case, while I think Cinderella Man deserves better ticket sales than it’s getting, I wouldn’t be so fast to blame poor attendance on mis-marketing.

me to share stories of Russell Crowe beatings.



Hot Mail

To prove that someone actually reads this website and guided by the spirit of the hot male to your left (who really ought to do a lot to draw in the ladies), I answer reader mail. your comments to have them read on the… answered here. Let’s see what filled up my inbox this week:

Terry: Thank you oh so much for putting the link to THE Shatner parody. I have loved THE Shatner for a long time now -in all his various guises. This is pure genius, who ever made this deserves an award. Or at least a Christmas ham every year. Everyone in my office has tears rolling down their faces. Long the The Shatner!!!

Josh: You sound like an individual with taste. Can I interest you in a cheesy t-shirt?

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Nell: Wow! 50 Film Habits. Very impressive. I've read every single one. That's 5 hours of my life i'd like back please.

Josh: You should be more specific with your hate. Someone might think you were trying to win a contest or something.

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Atomic Realto: I HATE THE FILM HABIT! Well, aside from your smarminess--which has its charms, and when it comes to squashing the spirit of Star Wars fanboys, I actually think you're a little too Nice--I hate the lack of any real news.

I hate the fact that I share your sentiments concerning Mr. Bryan Singer. He's leaving my beloved X-Men franchise to be pretty much destroyed by Brett Rattner or someone equally untalented. (I had a good feeling about Matthew Vaugn. But whatever. I'm just an aspiring screenwriter, like a million other schmendricks) and I hate all that! I hate Superman, and the fact that you feel you have to refer to next year's Rilly Big Flick, even though it's impossible not to care, somehow.

I hate the way you seem to have a latent attraction to William Shatner. I know it's tongue-in-cheek...but a little LESS tongue in that cheek, buddy.

And finally, I hate that you somehow make me care about a bunch of crap that I want to win...although I actually Assault on Precinct 13 wasn't bad. I hate that I actually admit that.

Josh: It sounds more like you hate yourself than you hate me. An um… atomic powered individual after my own heart. Note To You: This isn't really a news column, at least not on purpose. Sometimes it can't be helped.

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Nell: Hi Josh, thought you might be interested in this interview with Troublemaker Digital Studios about their work on Sin City: HERE

Josh: I'd be more interested in hearing Troublemaker Digital explain why they helped Robert Rodriguez rip off The Neverending Story (and poorly I might add) by making The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D. Also, maybe they could explain why their three dimensional movie isn't the least bit three dimensional. Also, while you're at it can you get your child actors to stop spitting at the screen? Thanks guys.

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