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 When I’m out of ideas for this column, I use it to talk about movies I’ve missed reviewing or to recommend things that you might have missed. It’s my default setting for when I want to do one and am too lazy to do it properly. I won’t be reviewing anything, this isn’t a review. This is just random nonsense about a movie you ought to be seeing. Let’s talk about Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, which Edward Darell handled the official review of for the site but I’ve just gotten around to catching.
What is it? A movie by Shane Black, one of those filmmakers who when he’s talked about, always seems to be talked about as if he’s too damn cool for the room. You know, the kind of guy you really want to hate. The kind of guy you’d really like to dismiss as a talentless hack. The depressing thing about Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is that it proves he’s not. A hack that is. He is however too cool for the room.
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is Black’s directorial debut. The rest of his career he’s spent writing predictable movies that all fit basically the same formula. He’s the guy that wrote the Lethal Weapon series, he’s to blame of Last Action Hero, and some other random nonsense. I have this weird notion that Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is really the movie that maybe Black wanted Last Action Hero to be. Other than that, it’s absolutely nothing like his other work. Actually, it’s basically the exact opposite of his other work.
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is alive, and I mean that in the most literal sense. The movie’s self aware, it knows what it’s doing. It’s narrated irregularly by Robert Downy Jr. RDJ also plays the film’s lead character Harry Lockhart, but his narration isn’t exactly as Harry Lockhart. He says he’s Harry Lockhart, but it’s almost as if he’s the voice of the film itself, calling out the plays, commenting on what the movie does, or where the heck the thing is going, rather than giving us a window into his head. “Hey, this scene is kind of stupid, let’s skip it!” Harry Lockhart the narrator says a lot of things like that.
 In someone else’s hands it might be totally annoying, but Shane and his cast make it funny, witty, surprising, and weirdly entertaining. The only thing that compares to it is watching Penn & Teller’s live act. If you’ve ever seen them perform live, you know that Penn has a strange habit of narrating their tricks. But he’s not just commenting on the tricks, he’s commenting on his narration as well, he’s picking apart what he says while he says it. It’s confusing, and sometimes he gets so lost in analyzing his own show and his own words and sometimes even the thoughts going on in his head… maybe even your head, that you start to wonder whether you’re in a magic show or sitting on a couch having a nail pounded into your head. It’s a lot more pleasurable than it sounds. It’s a hell of an experience.
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is a lot like that. Like I said, it’s self aware. Some people aren’t going to get it, or dig it, but it’s the kind of movie that might really catch on and grab up some sort of cult following a few years down the road. It helps that Robert Downy Jr. and Val Kilmer are perfect. I’m now of the opinion that every movie should be required to have them in it, bonus points if Val Kilmer plays a gay detective.
The movie isn’t instantly likable or easily accessible, but it’s unique, weird, and sometimes experimental. It doesn’t go for the usual bullshit… or if it does it comments on it and apologizes for it while it does it… which kind of kicks it back away from doing the usual again. See it, give it a few minutes to sink in after it’s over. Hopefully if you don’t walk out loving it, you’ll give it time and it’ll grow on you. The further I get away from it the more I find myself loving it. There’s a ton of potential here, and like The Weather Man, this is one that could easily turn into the year’s cult, underground success on DVD. If you act now, when everyone’s bragging about seeing it, you can be one of the few that says “I saw it in the theater!” Get in on the ground floor.
Ask a stupid question…
And now for the only thing you people really care about… yourselves! We get e-mail, here's some of it. Not all of it of course! My inbox is so full... aw who am I kidding, we're not that popular. This is all of it. I've revamped the email section a little, brought in Shatner to straighten things out. Who better than the Captain?
me or I'll come up with my own content.
Hold off on the hate
 Samuel: As I was reading over the e-mails in the last film habit I couldn't help but
notice a couple that seemed unusually insulting. I always find it odd that
people who hate your site spend so much time complaining about it. If I
don't like a site I simply don't go to it. I wouldn't waste an hour writing
up complaints about it. Part of me thinks that you should quit posting
obnoxious e-mails because by doing so your giving anal-retentive jerks who
have nothing better to do accept to pick at web editors they don't like a
forum. But then again you usually find some pretty dam good comedy in their
remarks. What strikes me most about a specific one last week was that the
reason he sited for hating your site was exactly the same reason I like it.
I forget the exact quote but basically this guy was whining that all your
opinions came from a fan-boy perspective (why exactly he's reading your
stuff if he doesn't want a fan-boy perspective and he finds you unfunny I
don't know but that's really not the point) Personally I finding it
relieving to be able to read a movie critic who probably couldn't pronounce
most the items on a menu at a French restaurant. You provide a good counter
balance to a lot of broadcast and newspaper critics who are out of touch
with common people in general and youth in specific. I have to admit that I
do find myself disagreeing with you a lot of times but that's not really the
point. Your reviews are always well-detailed and entertaining to read. Keep
up the good work.
Josh: You've obviously been to Paris with me before. I always end up eating croissants, it's the only thing I can pronounce. The sad truth is that angry people are usually much more likely to send an email than the happy ones. Human nature I guess. We love to get pissed off. There's nothing more dangerous, or more vocal than a pissed off stupid person. Trashing someone else makes them feel superior. Good for an ego boost. But I'm not going to hold any emails back. We usually have a good mix here, positive and negative. You won't catch me holding any back just because they sting. This email bag should be particularly um… vicious. Enjoy.
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Kung Fu Panda Casts Masters
 Xavier: Hello.
You’re an idiot. Ian McShane is the only one of that group worth mentioning.
You try to be funny.
Yet you fail.
It is sad.
Do something productive with your life. Instead of writing really bad lame attempts at jokes, go watch Deadwood, retard.
Josh: Yes, because sitting around watching TV would be productive. Nearly as productive as your email.
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FH #58 mailbag
Cliff: First people accuse you of ripping off Chud, which looks like shit. Now, other chuckleheads accuse you of ripping off AintItCoolNews, which, surprise, surprise, looks like SHIT! I really could care less if you literally copied the exact content of both sites and put it into your design, because your site is much easier on the eyes, and it helps to not have a design that looks like a 14-year-old created it.
Thomas Edison didn't necessarily create the light bulb. But you know what? He did it better. And that's what counts. Keep up the good work.
Josh: Well, I think there's more to a site than what it looks like. I hadn't heard us being accused of ripping off AICN. In either case, the accusation is pretty stupid and petty. The similarities are few. Hopefully our light bulb continues to burn brighter.
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The CB Forum
Jay: Im sorry im brazilian yet i feel discrimination is a problem at your forum
please contact me. If the ban isnt lifted expect a lawsuit requesting compulsory damages, if
your hosting a forum in the US your ip address is proof enough and a supoena
will be served. Remove the ban or explain in detail why i was banned.
Furthermore expect any answer you submit will be used in court against you.
A copy has been made with regard to this specific email.
Have a nice day
Josh: I love your country's meat, at least the meat that isn't made from llama. I also hear good things about your topless beaches and loose women. I think the more Brazilians we have visiting the site the better. Unfortunately you will not be one of them. Nice to know we made the right decision in banning you. Good luck with that lawsuit. Excuse me while I go have a good laugh.
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Scorsese abandons movies
 Samuel: I thought I remembered reading on rottentomatoes that scorsese was making an
english adaptation of infernal affairs.?.?
Josh: Normally I'd say that you probably shouldn't trust anything written in RottenTomatoes' news section. But in this case I remember hearing that too. But it's been awhile since there's been much said about it. Right now Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Portuguese priests and then he's going James Cameron and making boring documentaries. Unless he's doing Infernal Affairs before going into semi-retirement, I'm not sure when he'd fit it in. Hopefully, he'll give up this idea of abandoning moviemaking altogether.
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Josh reviews Brokeback Mountain
Javier: Joshua Tyler's commentary/review on Brokeback Mountain was nauseatingly homophobic and vile. Many a heterosexual man who has seen has not been repulsed nor reviled by homosexual sex. In fact, their responses have almost unanimously glowing about the deep affection and love shown by the characters. Tyler attempts to excuse his own prejudice and bigotry by claiming it's the natural heterosexual male reaction. But it's funny that heterosexual male audiences in Canada and Western Europe who have been exposed to explicit homosexual content in film and tv for years don't have the same immature, neanderthal reaction. Perhaps, it's Tyler's conditioning in the Texas environment and his failure to educate himself better to counter that primitive-minded reaction.
Josh: If I'd said any of the things I would indeed be homophobic. But you're reading things into my review that simply aren't there. I never said I was repulsed or reviled by gay sex. Reread the review and then get back to me with a valid complaint.
Michael Jenson: I came across your review earlier today, linked to it and blogged what I thought. Don't worry--it's mostly good (read it here).
An excerpt from Michael's comments on his BLOG (used with his permission):
This review of the upcoming Brokeback Mountain starts off with the question: "Does being grossed out by gay men having sex make me a homophobe?" The answer, of course, is no. Perhaps a little sheltered, but not homophobic. The rest of the paragraph does go on a bit much about how gross spinach--and gay sex--are, but I actually want to praise this movie critic, Joshua Tyler, for being so frank about his discomfort without coming across as a macho, religious nut. (BTW, it's also a pretty darn insightful review as well.) Kanye West recently did the same thing in an interview with Contact Music. If straight people are going to be able deal with their issues around homosexuality they need to feel like they can share them without being labeled as bigoted.
Josh: I think your response is quite good, and appreciate it. So far my reader email on the subject has been mixed. I'm running about 50/50. Half letters are similar to yours, the other half are vicious, angry people screaming, threatening, and calling me a hate mongering homophobic. But then I expected this sort of angry, illogical response, and decided I'd rather deal with that and tackle the issue straight on than dance around it or be dishonest, as I'm sure many reviewers will do out of fear of a response just like the one I'm getting.
In fact, I had several of my colleagues advise me not to write what I wrote. Not because they disagreed with it, but because of the inevitable backlash.
Interesting to say the least.
Michael Jenson: Well, let me say I'm appalled that you're getting such angry email. I can only surmise that some gay people have waited so long for a movie like this (and we have waited a l-o-o-o-ng time) that they get a little irrational when somebody says something that seems critical. And I assume you've been in the business long enough to know that it simply comes with the turf. You wouldn't believe some of the email I've received from nuts of all stripes over the years.
Josh: Yes, this is nowhere near as bad as the death threats I got for giving Gangs of New York a negative review. There's no accounting for lunatics. Speaking of lunatics, here's another negative Brokeback Mountain email!
Jim: You say you are not a homophobe, but imagine if this movie came out in the 30's or 40's, and the prejudice it was tackling was not same-sex attraction, but interracial romance.
A lot of people were "grossed out" by that, too. Why? Because they had opinions and beliefs about it, they were taught certain things by society, that made it appear to be "unnatural."
My most profound and authentic wish is that straight people will see a movie like "Brokeback Mountain" and be open to a glimmer of greater understanding. Your so-called "natural, straight guy thing" apparently prevented you from seeing anything but "a guy drop his drawers" and comparing it to eating spinach.
You asked the question, "Does being grossed out by gay men having sex make me a homophobe?" The answer is an unequivocal "Yes."
Josh: There's a big difference between being offended or opposed to something and being a little grossed out by it. You don't seem to be able to understand that. If I enjoyed gay sex, well then I'd be out doing it, and then I would by definition not be straight, but be gay. But not enjoying it doesn't mean I have a problem with it. It just means I don't want to do it. That makes me hetero, not hateful. In point of fact, it didn't prevent me from seeing anything but "a guy drop his drawers"… apparently you didn't read past the first paragraph of the review, since I gave the film a very positive review and went on to praise Ang Lee for the choices he made with it, particularly his willingness to show gay sex. Yet another emailer who didn't read the review. It's an epidemic.
John: I just read your review of Brokeback Mountain, and was glad to read some of
the honest comments you wrote, specifically about the idea of being "grossed
out" by gay sex. As a gay male and a somewhat-amateur gender theorist (been
educated on the subject on a college level, but it isn't my profession - more like
an educated hobby), I have some interest in the subject and would like to
offer maybe a different perspective on the matter and respond to some of the
questions you posed and your analysis.
First off, you are absolutely not a homophobe or bad person for feeling
uncomfortable (or grossed-out) by two men having sex. I know you know this to be
true, but I just wanted to start out by reiterating the fact. I'm
somewhat-militant with my own homosexuality (you might describe me as being an 'angry gay
male' at times ;-) ), so I just wanted to let you know that even one of the more
easily-offended gay people out there doesn't read your thoughts on the matter
as being homophobic.
I think the fact of why you find images of gay sexuality to be gross isn't
what you said as being a "natural, straight guy thing," however. I think it's
more of a matter that we live in a heterosexist society, and simply you aren't
used to seeing gay sexuality, so by default it creates somewhat of an
exclamation-point in your brain. Is that ultimately a result of homophobia? Of course
it is - but not on an individual level that you are guilty of, but rather on a
level that our society as a whole is guilty of. What's "natural" about you
being uncomfortable with gay sex isn't so much that you're a straight male, but
rather that you're a product of the society that we live in. Just because I'm
gay doesn't mean I'm separate from that - while gay sex, in general, has never
grossed me out personally - I can honestly say that images of two men has been
'different' or even 'weird' to me at points. And, I think that is solely
because of the fact that, even I as a gay male, am not exposed to such images in
our society.
Here's a more specific example. I have seen heterosexual pornography in my
life, and even lesbian pornography. Growing up with all straight male friends,
it was inevitable that I was going to be exposed to those images - especially
before coming out to them. They've never, in general, grossed me out - even the
lesbian porn - despite it not being natural for me to want to see two women
having sex. I've never been turned-on by it, mind you - but it was just more
boring than anything else. That's because women are routinely sexualized in our
culture - I've been desensitized to the female body and the concept of seeing
it in a sexual way; I've been exposed to that concept, just like you have,
from basically the day I was born. It's hard to be grossed out by straight sex
when I've seen it more times in the media by far than anything to do with two
men kissing or being in love with one another, let alone going at it.
Of course you being straight means that you aren't going to be aroused by
anything in Brokeback Mountain. I don't get aroused by the erotica I see in the
vast majority of the films I see. I know a ton of people oogle over the one sex
scene in Mulholland Dr.; I'm not into it personally, but it doesn't gross me
out. Ultimately I think this is a case where culture and exposure are the
primary portions of why Brokeback Mountain can be uncomfortable - even with cases
for heterosexual women, as an example (although, from my experience, once they
get over it - they enjoy two men just as much as straight guys enjoy two
women). I won't lie and say the thought of me having heterosexual sex doesn't
kinda gross me out - but seeing it abstracted on a moviescreen I can handle.
Josh: I think your last paragraph says it best. The thought of having straight sex grosses you out. Well it should, you're gay. If it didn't, you'd be busy drooling over that Mullholland Drive scene with me (and buddy are you ever missing out). That doesn't mean you're hetero-phobic, it just means you are who you are. Interesting email, thanks for sharing your well reasoned and mostly sane viewpoint. Now here's another deluded lunatic:
Mike: Does being grossed out by seeing straight people kiss and have sex in every
single movie I have to endure make me hate all straight people? NO -
because I have to deal with it - realize it is two people expressing their
love and/or lust for one another and move on. Now you know how it is to be
in our world -
and yes - you are a homophobe.
Josh: Wow, the number of wrong statements in that brief paragraph is surprising. Yet another person who didn't really read the review. Go back and try again.
C: And honestly, an entire introductory paragraph about "ewewew I'm soooo not gay" is a little boring and immature. As a girl, I don't get turned on when the occasional breast shows up onscreen, but I don't shriek and hide my eyes.
Josh: It would indeed be immature if I said I shriek and hide my eyes. But that's not even close to what I said. Another non-reader. Revisit the review and resubmit
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Josh's Review of Return of the King
Kevin: Hey Joshua, don't ask me how, but today (a year after you did it) I stumbled
across your review of this movie (Return of the King)while I was surfing the web doing some
Harry Potter research for something I am working on.
I am a PR writer and comic book publisher by trade, doing marketing plans
and promotional/press release writings for companies marketing new products
in the comic book and trading card industries. So, I know a little about
writing a review of a product (or in this case a movie) especially when you
really do enjoy the product you are talking about.
The internet is filled with millions and millions of pages - all written by
somebody to be read by somebody else - and in this case, I really, really
enjoyed your review, so much so that I took the time to track down your
website and find out who wrote it, just to say "thanks, you did a good
job!".
So there you go - thanks for the review - you did a really good job and I
enjoyed reading it. I enjoyed your enthusiam, and agreed with every point
you made when discussing the actors and scenes you enjoyed. Not sure what
you do for a living, but if it involves the movie industry and writings such
as this, I am sure you are doing quite well. Good luck in all you do.
Now, I am going to take some time this evening and see what your "Cinema
Blend" website is all about.
Josh: Don't look at the rest of the website, let me go out on a high note! Seriously though, appreciate your kind words. It's emails like yours that keep us all going.
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Hey! Do you like writing for mildly successful movie websites with no guarantee that you'll ever be paid? Are you over 18? You're in luck. CinemaBlend.com is looking for writers just like you. If you think you can capture the signature Cinema Blend style as a critic, interviewer, and/or news reporter send me an with a few samples and we'll talk. DISCUSS THE FILM HABIT IN OUR FORUM
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