What Would Wiggum Do?

[crappertay]

Being a man of the world and one of the more mature members of the board, Wiggum has a vast array of worldy knowledge to share with us all and it would be a shame for it to be wasted away with age and infirmity.

So before that happens it is only fair the the young and needy benefit from his life experience.

So... post your person/work/relationshop problems here and ask....

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/5898/wwwdsf8.gif

[Matt]

:lol best idea ever!

[garfield hates mondays]

Dear Wiggum,

What is the secret to making a successful internet post? I am told that you have been making wildly popular internet posts over the past several decades. Please share your knowledge with us.

Sincerely,
Curious in Colorado

[Wiggum]

It really all just comes down to being able to pull of the jaunty chapeaux without looking the fool.

Once you've acheived that, everything else is pretty much gravy.

[Deus Ex Machina]

Dear Wiggum,

Valentines Day is coming up and I have no idea what gift to get for your fiancee. Any tips?

Romeo in Rochester

[Matt]

but but...why would you get Wiggum's fiancee a Valentine's Day gift?

[Wiggum]

I'm pretty sure Deus is safe, and Kelli likes gifts, so it's a win - win for me.

[Wiggum]

I, on the other hand, am really not big into V-day, but Kelli does like it.

It being LOST night, I'm planning on going over to her place.

I figure I'll make her a card, do a little shopping and put together a gift bag with assorted nicknacks, and make her my chicken tacos, which are her favorite.

And I, in turn, will get nothing. :lol

Well, maybe not nothing. :)

[Mack]

Dear Wiggum,

I feel like watching a movie, but I'm not sure if I should go for <I>Mean Girls</i> or <I>Romy And Michelle's High School Reunion</I>. What is the right answer?

Hoplessly Confused In Hawaii.

[Wiggum]

Go out and get a chicken burrito and a couple of Dos Equis instead.

[Tanje]

Dear Wiggum,

I am considering flogging my two misbehaving teenagers that my husband and I are guardians for, what number pasta do you recommend for maximum sting?

Sincerely
Frustrated in Philly

[Wiggum]

Fettucine cooked al dente.

[garfield hates mondays]

I, on the other hand, am really not big into V-day, but Kelli does like it.

It being LOST night, I'm planning on going over to her place.

I figure I'll make her a card, do a little shopping and put together a gift bag with assorted nicknacks, and make her my chicken tacos, which are her favorite.

And I, in turn, will get nothing. :lol

Well, maybe not nothing. :)
I postponed Valentines day until Friday because Thursday is LOST night :lol

[Bethany]

I postponed Valentines day until Friday because Thursday is LOST night :lol

We are postponing Valentine's Day indefinitely because we both dislike it! So we will both be in the Lost chat!

[Matt]

very nice!

[Wiggum]

I came up with a reason to put off Valentine's Day until the 15th a couple of years ago so that roses would be cheaper. :lol

[Abscynthe]

We are postponing Valentine's Day indefinitely because we both dislike it! So we will both be in the Lost chat!

Yay! Another couple who doesn't celebrate or see the reason for Valentine's Day!

[Wiggum]

I'm trying to bring Kelli to the dark side. :lol

[crappertay]

We agreed not to buy presents for each other and spend the money going out and having a good time at the weekend instead, so count us in. :cool

[Abscynthe]

I just don't get why you have to wait for one day to show your love to another - or why people expect a huge present to show love; you should be doing that all year long.

[Evil Dead Junkie]

Dear Wiggum, how are you. I have in a relatively short period of time terminated three relationships in their very early stages. Something that it outside of my character as a loyal and monogamous fellow.

Am I finally wising up and learning to listen when my "crazy bitch" sense tingles, or am I fostering a fear of commitment that will lead to me being a bitter crazy old man who beats preachers to death in his cavernous mansion?

Please advise.

[masterthes]

Dear Wiggum,

What is the meaning of life?

Sincerely,
Existentialising in Elmira

[Evil Dead Junkie]

I'm finding Wiggum's derelection of duty disturbing.

Stop slacking off :lol

[Svoboda]

Its too much pressure, even for Wiggum.

[Wiggum]

Dear Wiggum, how are you. I have in a relatively short period of time terminated three relationships in their very early stages. Something that it outside of my character as a loyal and monogamous fellow.

Am I finally wising up and learning to listen when my "crazy bitch" sense tingles, or am I fostering a fear of commitment that will lead to me being a bitter crazy old man who beats preachers to death in his cavernous mansion?

Please advise.

Never, ever ignore your crazybitchdar. While it may miss one every once in a great while, it is never wrong.

Dear Wiggum,

What is the meaning of life?

Sincerely,
Existentialising in Elmira

To never have to force a smile.

[Captain Murphy]

Dear Wiggum,

If you hit a child will you be on my side?

Sincerely,
Ed Harris

[Wiggum]

Dear Wiggum,

If you hit a child will you be on my side?

Sincerely,
Ed Harris

I'm Wiggum and I've hit women and children. I've hit everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to hit you, Captain Murphy, for what you done to Svoboda.

[Evil Dead Junkie]

I'm Wiggum and I've hit women and children. I've hit everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to hit you, Captain Murphy, for what you done to Svoboda.

:rofl QOTW