Cogito
12-04-2003, 05:12 AM
Rules For Being A Good Republican
To be a Republican, you have to believe that
1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime...
...unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for "recovery."
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools...
... as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you...
...and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.
11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton...
...because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.
12) You have to believe that group sex is a degenerate sin...
...that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution...
...while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist...
...but trading with China is just dandy.
Rules For Being A Good Democrat
To be a Democrat, you have to believe that
1. The AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding
4. Guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear, chemical and biological weapons in the hands of Saddam Hussein.
7. There was no art before federal funding.
8. The NRA is a bad organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is a good organization because it stands up
for certain parts of the Constitution.
10. Standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.
22. Passing new laws are a much better way to curb crime than enforcing the existing ones.
To be a Republican, you have to believe that
1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime...
...unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for "recovery."
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools...
... as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you...
...and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.
11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton...
...because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.
12) You have to believe that group sex is a degenerate sin...
...that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution...
...while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist...
...but trading with China is just dandy.
Rules For Being A Good Democrat
To be a Democrat, you have to believe that
1. The AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding
4. Guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear, chemical and biological weapons in the hands of Saddam Hussein.
7. There was no art before federal funding.
8. The NRA is a bad organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is a good organization because it stands up
for certain parts of the Constitution.
10. Standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.
22. Passing new laws are a much better way to curb crime than enforcing the existing ones.