Church Angered At Sony; CB Games Creates A Solution

5.) A High School Kids love shooting things and, thanks to scientists, we now know that allowing them to act out carnal fantasies in the safety of a virtual environment could not be healthier. What's more, setting a game inside a familiar environment such as the high school will help them better cope with the day-to-day monotony of going to class, doing homework, and having no means of defending themselves against larger classmates. Couple this with a soundtrack by, say, Marilyn Manson, and you've got yourself a hit that even parents will love.

4.) Three Mile Island Unfortunately, someone already had the idea of using Chernobyl as a setting, but the good news is that the site of the worst nuclear accident in the US is wide-open. More bad news though: no one actually died there, making it a far less cool place to stage a video game. Still, you get some five-headed, swastika-loving aliens in there trying to blow-up the reactor and it'll be like the crisis was never averted in the first place.

3.) Southeast Asia "H5N1"? More like: H5N-Fun! Set in the poultry-ridden Guangdong province of China (Ha! Dong! That's slang for a penis!), players armed with flamethrowers will have to light up every mutated, winged adversary they see to stop the Bird Flu from spreading. You'd be combining the classic fun of Duck Hunt with all the unfounded, media-propagated fear of the next Black Plague.

2.) A Church In, Say, England Just imagine it: you're sitting in a pew, listening to Jesus-related stuff, when, suddenly, aliens! You're going to have to take out your mini-gun and splatter their bodily fluids in order to save your fellow believers! What could be more exciting? Best of all, church organizations strictly adhere to the teachings of the Bible, so any possibility of a lawsuit would just be hypocritical on their part. They'll be turning the other cheek by the time the game is back-ordered for a year!

1.) A Middle Eastern Country No One Has Ever Heard Of For whatever reason, CNN has been all over the Middle East lately and people are getting sick of it. It's gotten to the point where you can't sit around the dinner table without someone mentioning the proposed industrial zone between Oman and Yemen. However, there's still one blood diamond that no one has gotten their hands on yet: Iraq. Situated between Not That Place Again! and How Do I Pronounce That?, Iraq features large expanses of desert along with metropolitan areas perfect for running and gunning. And, most likely, the Iraqi government will support the game for all the tourism revenue it's sure to generate. Everybody's happy.


Bishop photo taken by Peter Smith