Sony isn't just getting fisted by gamers complaining about the $600 price tag--they're getting rammed by the Church of England too. Claiming that Sony didn't seek permission for use of their church as a setting coupled with the violent nature of the game, the Church is demanding that copies of Resistance: Fall of Man be taken off shelves. If Sony fails to act, the Church has threatened legal action against the corporation.
To help the poor, floundering, $68 billion-earning conglomerate in this, its darkest hour, we've put together a list of locations that are 100% controversy-free along with scenarios sure to please politician and pastor alike. You could shoot hundreds of giant spider aliens in the head in these places and no one would complain.
5.) A High School Kids love shooting things and, thanks to scientists, we now know that allowing them to act out carnal fantasies in the safety of a virtual environment could not be healthier. What's more, setting a game inside a familiar environment such as the high school will help them better cope with the day-to-day monotony of going to class, doing homework, and having no means of defending themselves against larger classmates. Couple this with a soundtrack by, say, Marilyn Manson, and you've got yourself a hit that even parents will love.
4.) Three Mile Island Unfortunately, someone already had the idea of using
Chernobyl as a setting, but the good news is that the site of the worst nuclear accident in the US is wide-open. More bad news though: no one actually died there, making it a far less cool place to stage a video game. Still, you get some five-headed, swastika-loving aliens in there trying to blow-up the reactor and it'll be like the crisis was never averted in the first place.
3.) Southeast Asia "H5N1"? More like: H5N-Fun! Set in the poultry-ridden Guangdong province of China (Ha! Dong! That's slang for a penis!), players armed with flamethrowers will have to light up every mutated, winged adversary they see to stop the Bird Flu from spreading. You'd be combining the classic fun of Duck Hunt with all the unfounded, media-propagated fear of the next Black Plague.
2.) A Church In, Say, England Just imagine it: you're sitting in a pew, listening to Jesus-related stuff, when, suddenly, aliens! You're going to have to take out your mini-gun and splatter their bodily fluids in order to save your fellow believers! What could be more exciting? Best of all, church organizations strictly adhere to the teachings of the Bible, so any possibility of a lawsuit would just be hypocritical on their part. They'll be turning the other cheek by the time the game is back-ordered for a year!
1.) A Middle Eastern Country No One Has Ever Heard Of For whatever reason, CNN has been all over the Middle East lately and people are getting sick of it. It's gotten to the point where you can't sit around the dinner table without someone mentioning the proposed industrial zone between Oman and Yemen. However, there's still one blood diamond that no one has gotten their hands on yet: Iraq. Situated between Not That Place Again! and How Do I Pronounce That?, Iraq features large expanses of desert along with metropolitan areas perfect for running and gunning. And, most likely, the Iraqi government will support the game for all the tourism revenue it's sure to generate. Everybody's happy.
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The Church IS NOT improving their image but have succeeded in completely destroying it. But I'm sure Sony will have to change it anyway, which will destroy the Churches image even more.
And further more; The Church is portrayed as being a field hospitol that was taken over by the Chimera, Hale and the British are simply taking it back. I guess the Church of England is against Hospitals and saving humanity. How knew?
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Sony isn't just getting fisted by gamers complaining about the $600 price tag--they're getting rammed by the Church of England too. Claiming that Sony didn't seek permission for use of their church as a setting coupled with the violent nature of the game, the Church is demanding that copies of Resistance: Fall of Man be taken off shelves. If Sony fails to act, the Church has threatened legal action against the corporation. 
June 11, 2007 at 19:21