Review: Iron Man

The cinematic explosion of Iron Man in the theatres earned over one million dollars in revenue. It has been acclaimed by many as the greatest marvel film adaptation of all time. Audiences are giving it two thumbs up. The video game adaptation of the movie should garner much the same praise right? It’s too bad it makes you want to cut your thumbs off and pour lemon juice over the wounds to cover the pain of purchasing (or in my case, wasting four miles in gas money to get to Blockbuster) such a god awful game.

It’s a crying shame. This game was full of potential. To play a vengeful industrialist whose only mission is to destroy the people who kidnapped him with missile loaded arms that would make Mega Man jealous screams video game sensation. Why, the animated wave of destruction and carnage seem boundless! Sadly, Sega was only to bring a repetition of eerily similar scenarios and horribly varying difficulty level to the table.

Given that the Iron Man armor is on par with say Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, you’d think the control – and by extension the opposition – would be where the game shines. This is not so. It’s never been duller and dimmer in Tony Stark’s world. The combat is incredibly boring and tedious that you find yourself mindlessly blasting through enemies that rarely show any formal weapon training. You could literally leave your controller on your coffee table, refill your Big Gulp with the purple stuff in your fridge, take your dog for a walk, and Swiffer your back porch and you still would have a full energy bar.

The gameplay is surprisingly mundane. Aside from the optional weapon improvement that is scattered throughout the game, nothing requires tactics or a functional brain for that matter. Wait, forget I said that. Because just when you think that you couldn’t press X any longer, a mysterious blast kills you with one shot, forcing you to restart the level. Nice trade off for the generic warm up enemies huh?

Aw man, I haven’t said anything good about this game yet. Um… the graphics are nice. Oh, and the hero objectives (stopping missile launches, etc.) are a nice surprise. Still, a small candle can’t light up a dark room.

If you must satisfy your Iron Man addiction with this game, at least take a rental before heading to GameStop. But remind yourself that the eight dollars could be put to a better use, watching the movie with your brother again.