I'm weary of disappointments. After a summer featuring a lengthy series of letdowns, vomited up in the form of A.I., Pearl Harbor, and Final Fantasy, it's nice to be able to stop and reflect on past films that embody what great movie making is all about. But soon, even that simple pleasure will be ripped away from movie lovers.
It began several years ago, with the re-release of Star Wars: A New Hope in theaters. Touting updated effects and spectacular new scenes, audiences and Film Hobbit's everywhere flocked to theaters for a peek at their favorite film in luscious THX surround sound. Those same wide eyed fans left the theater sickened over pointless CGI replacements and altered story lines which now featured Greedo shooting first in the Mos Eisley Cantina.
Today, altering film history has become the wave of the future, with Steven Spielberg's upcoming re-release of E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial. At first glance, a re-release and restoration sounds great! I for one would love the chance to see one of my favorite films brilliantly cleaned up and displayed in all its glory on the silver screen of the new millennium. Sadly, Spielberg has decided to take a revisionist stance, that includes much more than just a simple film restoration. Apparently, he has let some sort of wacked out political view cloud his judgment, and has decided to permanently, and unconscionably alter the content of his film by removing ALL the guns from it, and replacing them with walkie-talkies.
On its own, this is appalling. Its difficult for this simple Hobbit to fathom why a filmmaker would choose to make this decision... and honestly I'm not interested in trying. Any artist has the right to change or edit his work to suit his own tastes, but just because they can do this thing, does not mean they should or must. Whatever the reason, I for one am not interested in seeing a version of E.T. which is carefully constructed to irrevocably alter its original story line. How threatening will pursuing FBI agents look if they are running around pointing walkie-talkies at people? Stop or I'll call for backup!
But, apparently, this is not enough for Spielberg, who has also decided to "change" one of the most beloved and well known pop icons of the 20th century by drastically "enhancing" him with cold, bland, CGI. Yes, you heard me; E.T. will be re-rendered in CGI.
First, let me say
that CGI is overrated. VERY overrated. I don't care how far our technology
has progressed, CGI images STILL don't look real. More than that, they
lack the warmth and individuality that other less complex forms have.
Consider all the loving attention and detail that was put into creating
that character. Just think of little Drew Barrymore acting out her lines
to that simple puppet, pretending it's real, acting and reacting to it
as if it were a real person. That's REAL movie making. That's REAL cinema;
and that is part of what made E.T. such a wonderful and unforgettable
classic. E.T. is more than just some dumb puppet, he's the center, the
embodiment of what E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial is all about. You might
as well replace Elliot with a dancing, bespeckled version of Jar Jar Binks,
for doing so would be no greater injustice, no greater crime.
So go ahead, rape
my memories, pillage my childhood, burn down the beautiful, magical film
you created Steven. You might as well. If A.I. is any judge, that seems
to be all you're good at anymore anyway. Maybe when you've finished, other
filmmakers will have the sense to stop second guessing themselves, and
decide instead to preserve the past for future generations, instead of
rebuilding it to suit the modern world.
