*NSYNC Manager Faces Prison, or Not

Lou Pearlman, the shyster who brought us closer to stabbing ourselves in the eye with a fork by introducing the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC to the scene, may be in for some cold-steel-barred trouble. Or maybe not. The maestro of man-children, who has also dabbled in the mystical art of stealing money from investors, was tossed in front of a Florida judge Wednesday morning and slapped with a 25-year prison sentence – and a loophole big enough to fly his personal jet through.

Pearlman was arrested in Indonesia last year after the revelation of his slightly gauche money laundering activities sent him fleeing from US authorities. According to NME, he pleaded guilty in March to stealing $120 million from banks and another $315 million from investors. His sentence was the result of two counts of conspiracy, money laundering, using false statements, and the voluntary and the unrepentant promotion of boy bands – however, the sentencing judge thought he’d be creative with the judgment.

Judge G. Kendall Sharp added the loophole that Pearlman’s sentence would be reduced by one month for every million dollars he returned to its owner. Sounds fair? It ain’t. If the figures are accurate, this means with 300 months in front of him Pearlman can return 300 of the $435 million he stole and shrug off his sentence, then pocket the remaining $135 million and, I dunno, buy Paris Hilton. Here’s to lobbying for better calculators supplied to courtrooms.

And here’s a short list of extravagant items Pearlman may buy to carry him out of the courtroom, each costing around $135 million.

- Fleet of 10 Learjet 60s, 9 of which are decoys: $13 million ea.
- Cruise ship: $78 million; 28 “Lost Island of Atlantis” swimming pools lined up end-to-end: $1.7 million ea.
- 79 Bugatti Veyrons performing a synchronized escape autoballet: $1.7 million ea.

You get the idea.