On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Mariah Carey’s Santa Clause Is Coming To Town.

I have a vivid memory of being seven years old and sitting around the Christmas tree a few days before the day. My father was taunting me about the high probability of receiving coal, while my mother scolded him with her eyes. “Santa Clause Is Coming To Town” was playing over the speakers, and my still-developing brain was in shock–not because I was worried about getting black lung from Santa but because my mom had apparently kicked Amy Grant to the curb.

The mystery pop star with the astounding voice turned out to be Mariah Carey. Sure, we all know her as a hot mess now, but when she released her Christmas album in 1994, those in the know where astounded by her insane vocals. I’ve disagreed with almost every career choice she’s made since “Santa Clause Is Coming To Town”, but her brilliant rendition of the old classic still occupies a special place in my heart. Fuck off. I know that last sentence was a tired cliche, but it’s Christmas and Jesus loves that sappy mumbo-jumbo. Or so I’ve heard. It’s not like he’s hung out with anyone in 2,000 years.

Here’s Mariah singing the time-tested favorite...



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