Crime has soared in recent years, and more than thirty people have been abducted in the capital this month alone. All this has led me to suspect either John Wayne Gacy has been resurrected and bought a house in the Caribbean or a lot of Haitians have been reading too many biographies on Ma Barker ... read more
Like Templeton (2) from Charlotte’s Web, I’ll sniff, scrounge through, and eventually shit out the most important music-related stories of the previous week. In an unimportant gag that serves no real purpose other than to bind the article together, I’ll count all celebrity references in parentheses, hoping to snag 50 by the time this grouping of words gets egg on your face. Fired-up? Than like John The Baptist’s (3) head, I’m off! ... read more
I can’t say the possibility of 50 Cent juicing surprises me, but who the hell saw Wyclef Jean or Mary J. Blige coming? It kind of makes you wonder who else is rapped up in this testosterone-ridden web of lies. Pun very much intended. Why is this even necessary? Is Wyclef Jean planning on running a few marathons? Is Mary J. Blige trying to increase hand speed so she can hit a major league fastball? ... read more
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