AC/DC: Aisle 4, Next To The Tampons

Someday soon I will be cruising down the aisle at my local Wal-Mart, banking my discounts off the cashier’s willingness to earn less than a Cambodian sweat shop worker when I’ll find right next to the two-dollar dog food the new AC/DC album.

According to The Wall Street Journal’s website, AC/DC have signed a deal with the retail devil, agreeing to sell their upcoming album exclusively through Wal-Mart Stores Inc. The deal is obviously a sign of one thing: music is more of a business now than ever. Many older bands like the Eagles and Garth Brooks have clawed feverishly at the doors of Big Business to pay the rent. Whether it be performing endless farewell tours or whoring themselves out alongside the latest Jackie Collins novel, these acts will find a way into your pockets.

And that’s all fine and well for those artists, but AC/DC? Is that yellow smiley-face gonna whistle “T.N.T.” when rolling back prices? Is the cute cashier gonna be humming “Givin The Dog A Bone” as she hands me my change? Will “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” ring in my ears as I walk out with my dollar-special detergent? Will the new album sound the same if I know I bought it where my neighbor buys her stool softener?