American Idol Talent Really Is Paper-Thin

This just in, American Idol contestants are simply cardboard-cutouts of people. As if you didn’t know already. According to TMZ.com, a cardboard cutout of Idol contestant Brooke White will stand in for White at her sister’s wedding.

Even though White is one of her sister’s bridesmaids, she will not be able to attend because of her commitment to Idol. I’m just saying if my sister is going to miss my wedding because of a glamorized game show, she better win. Too bad White put my ADD-riddled cat to sleep when we caught her last performance on YouTube. And what is her sister thinking with having a cardboard cutout in her wedding? Isn’t it embarrassing enough to have a sister criticized by a wrinkled, diminutive Laker Girl every week?

At least now she doesn’t have to worry about her sister getting hammered at the reception and lullabying the guests to sleep with “You’ve Got a Friend.” On behalf of America, Brooke White’s sister, thank you for letting me keep my cure for insomnia.