Amy Winehouse Not Arrested. Just Kidding

This story isn’t really news, because we already knew it was going to happen. We saw it coming about five months ago. You had such a gut feeling about it that your unborn children knew it was going to happen. And even had nothing happened five months ago, this story would still barely be newsworthy for its predictability, but here it is.

Amy Winehouse, who in January was seen in a widely distributed videotape smoking what appeared to be crack out of a pipe, was arrested today in connection with the tape, People Magazine reported Wednesday. The tape, filmed by a supposed friend of Amy’s and subsequently handed over to the UK’s Daily Sun, was splattered onto every surface on the planet by the tabloid before eventually being passed on to Scotland Yard. The Yard had said then that it was going to investigate the matter, and well, here are the results of the investigation.

The singer went willingly, at least. “Amy Winehouse voluntarily attended a London police station today by appointment,” her publicist said. “She was arrested in order to be interviewed and is cooperating fully with inquiries.”

I don’t know about you, but my unborn children are now telling that Winehouse, who just got out of jail after her brazen head-butt attack a couple of weeks ago, is cooperating her way right back into the birdcage. Thankfully, Pete Doherty’s release came just in time, or god knows what chaos would have ensued in there.

Once again I’m going to shake the knotty stick of shame, not at Winehouse, but at the back-stabbing pus-blister of a friend who sold her out, the grubbing tabloids that wrung every cent out of the tape before turning it over to the cops, and the justice system that actually pursued a case based on what sounded like an inconclusive mountain of hearsay. I don’t want to get into the crap it could lead to if a media-badgered singer can be arrested for what someone said they did, because it’s too depressing, but it’s pretty much established at this point that Winehouse needs to stay in bed for the next six months.