Amy Winehouse Not As Cracked Out As You Thought...Sure

It’s okay, folks. I know you’ve all been worried desperately about Amy Winehouse these past few days; don’t think I haven’t noticed the rosary beads and rabbit’s feet. But dry your eyes, it’s all gonna be just fine: The tabloid claims about her performance Saturday night at the Rock in Lisboa event being a “gig from hell” are rubbish according to NME.com.

For those of you not big enough junkies, er, fans to have endured the turmoil of these last few days, tabloids reported that the singer screamed at her horn players during the show and, afterward, threatened to fire the entire backing band. She was also a half-hour late, apologized for having a weak voice, dropped her microphone several times, and told the crowd she “should have cancelled.” But it’s not that bad. Minus the microphone dropping, the tardiness, and the weak voice.

Winehouse has released a statement denying the reports: “I was really upset that anyone would suggest that I would act that way to my band. My band and I are family and I did not ‘scream’ at my horn players and would never be ‘sick of the sight of them.’ We have been through a lot together and I would never lose my temper in that way with them.”

Thank God, that’s all cleared up now. I was getting worried the tabloids had just gotten it twisted, and her band members were screaming at her and telling her they were sick of the sight of her. Hell, I even started imagining them mumbling that they should have cancelled as they waited offstage for the walking syringe to appear from a plume of crack-smoke. I’m sure the weak voice was, in fact, due to a sore throat. The common cold, what a bitch. At least she showed her fans that she “was back and working.”