Compton Prefers Its Coffee Without Suge

Producers/ mogul/ hired thug Suge Knight has been banned from carrying his gun in Compton, California. The forty-two year old convicted felon and former head of Death Row Records was named along with one hundred and ninety-nine other suspected gang members in a petition to help curb the drug trade and open warfare in the city.

According to Billboard, if the petition goes through, Suge will also be prevented from drinking alcohol in public and staying out past 10. Good God! Why is everyone threatening Suge Knight? Vanilla Ice tried that ill-advised strategy and got dangled over a balcony for his troubles. Compton should just sign over the rights to all its music and call it a day. It’s the only effective, time-tested method. In a related story, CB Music would like to announce how much it appreciates the hard work and creativity Suge has brought to the music business for the last decade and a half. See, was that so hard, Compton?