Consumers Ignore CB Review, Buy Johnson Album In Bulk

For a third consecutive week, douche bag singer-songwriter Jack Johnson topped the Billboard 200. The stupidly optimistic crooner sold approximately 105,000 copies in the United States. Woohoo. I’d rather listen to bootleg Winger demos for the rest of my life on loop than donate fifteen dollars to that poon clown’s Margarita fund, but my views rarely, if ever, align with the average foolhardy consumer.

According to Billboard, Johnson’s 100K effort nearly doubled Alicia Keys’ and her second place output of 53,000 LPs. Crack coyote Amy Winehouse grabbed the third slot with Back To Black and everyone’s favorite skull-fucking of classic tracks album Kidz Bop offended both my delicate sensibilities and grammar professors everywhere on its way to fourth place. The soundtrack to Step Up 2 rounded out the top five.

I hope you’re proud of yourselves, America.