Dave Grohl Loves Metallica

Aw gee, isn’t Dave Grohl adorable? No, you perv, I’m not talking adorable in that teddy-bear- you-violate- in-bouts-of-loneliness way, I’m talking adorable like the high school freshman who still sucks his thumb and sleeps in mommy and daddy’s bed. If you’re not catching my drift, I’m talking about his letter to Metallica. If you’re still not getting it and now you’re pissed because I’m insulting the drummer from Nirvana, cool your jets, I’ll explain.

On Thursday, Dave Grohl posted an open letter to the band concerning their forthcoming album. He spitshined the band’s ass, writing “I can’t wait to hear the new shit, and no matter what you guys do I’ll always be the first one at the shop waiting to hear it. I’m sure you’ll come out and blow everybody’s fuckin’ minds, because you’re fuckin’ METALLICA!” See my point, the man is the band’s biggest groupie. Want more proof? He boasts about listening to St. Anger. That’s like some horndog trying to bag a girl by saying “Baby, I’d even kiss your herpes.”

Now, I’d be satisfied simply lambasting Dave Grohl’s sycophancy if it wasn’t for the letter’s puzzling postscript: “Are you finished recording the drums yet?” Is he merely interested in the instrument he keeps on the backburner because singing lead and playing guitar has more MTV appeal? Or, does he hope to collaborate with Lars Ulrich and the boys on the album? Or, is someone finally calling out Lars for his stiff, repetitive drumming that functions only to keep time as opposed to add any further dynamics to one of metal’s most influential bands? I’m not saying that hard-hitting Grohl is John Bonham reincarnated, but the man at least plays with feel.

Regardless of suckups and blowhards, proof of Metallica’s rehab from the drunken mess that was St. Anger is due out in the fall, and Dave Grohl’s letter in its full brownnosing glory can be found here.