Doherty in Prison: Just Like Doherty in Real Life

If there’s any evidence that prison definitely doesn’t work, it just came out on the front page of The Sun. According to NME, the UK tabloid printed cell-phone pictures of Pete Doherty inside Wormwood Scrubs, the London correctional facility that sounds like it houses inmates like Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort, and it looks like the Babyshambles front man is NOT on drugs in prison. Yes, that was a lie, I meant to say he is VERY MUCH on drugs in prison.

Doherty began a 14-week prison sentence April 9 when he pushed the envelope too far in flaking out on his parole. The story so far is the crumb-begging baghead has been writing I.O.U. notes to inmates in exchange for heroin, which he has been using to supplement the methadone he is taking to help him get off heroin. The man is a genius, so you know there has to be some twisted logic to it.

The funny part, as told by an unidentified inmate (though we know it’s Snape), is that Doherty is being hounded by inmates who suspect him of hoarding drugs. Even funnier is the reported fact that Doherty has also befriended an inmate, Ray, who has agreed to be his brawny right hook and fend off such hounding. Quoth the unidentified inmate regarding Doherty’s drug stash: “It wasn’t true but it was enough to make people want to find him and rob him. Ray is making sure this doesn’t happen.”

It’s hard to say who is worse off: Doherty, who is now in debt to a crew of hardened criminals and will someday have the task of paying them back, or the criminals, who will come to collect and find Doherty in some other fantastical situation, still worthless and still on drugs.