I can only assume that if you’re reading this article you are: a) a drunken college student who has no idea what music to play for his next kegger; b) a self-anointed music critic who will yell at me about not having any Morrissey on the list; or c) in some way related to me. I’m going to go ahead and cater to my target audience--so “group a,” this list is for you.

Behind ridiculously hot women and below average beer, the music is the most important part of the party, and this will keep people from leaving and/or stealing your things.

The majority of college students think throwing on a 50 Cent, Nickelback or Akon CD will be more than serviceable as background for their party. WRONG. Sometimes people want to dance; sometimes people want to scream lyrics to currently trendy songs; and sometimes people want to hear pop songs they haven’t heard since high school. Your party mix should be able to cover all of these areas and more.

The following is a brief breakdown of each important category and how much of your mix you should devote to each area.

Category No. 1:
30% Danceable Pop Music


The vast majority of hot girls love to dance. When women hear music with a good beat, a chemical reaction goes off in their brains sending encoded messages to their hips forcing them to gyrate. No, I don’t know why it happens. It’s just science. Since you probably aren’t witty or ballsy enough to walk up and actually start talking to a girl, dancing is a nice, safe way to put girls in a good mood and eventually introduce yourself.

Safe Bets- Christina Aguilera-“Diirty,” Ciara-“1,2 Step,” and Missy Elliott-“Get Your Freak On”

Category No. 2:
25% Rap Music


After 19 years of searching, I have only discovered three universal truths. Death is an imminent part of life. No one dislikes Kraft macaroni and cheese. And everyone loves rap music. Oh, you may claim to hate rap music, but you don’t. How many times have you sang along to “99 Problems” by Jay-Z? I rest my case. Sure, it may glorify violence and skanky women, but at the end of the day, who doesn’t want to “Smack That?”

Safe Bets- Jibbs-“Chang Hang Low,” Ludacris-“Welcome To Atlanta,” Run DMC-“It’s Tricky”

Category No. 3:
25% Songs Everyone Knows The Lyrics To


Is there anything better than 2 a.m. drunken singing? People may be temporarily weary of screaming “Tiny Dancer” lyrics, but watch what happens when one person starts crooning. It’s infectious. Pretty soon 50 people are bellowing songs they haven’t thought about since middle school. And before you say it … No. You’re not to cool to get drunk and sing “All Star.”

Safe Bets- Journey-“Don’t Stop Believing,” Blind Melon-“No Rain,” Mr. Big-“To Be With You”

Category No. 4:
10% Current Pop Music


I have no idea why, but some people genuinely like what pop radio stations play. Keep up with the current chart toppers and add a few to your party mix. You may spend half the night answering questions like, “Oh my God! I heard this song on TRL the other day! What’s the name of it?” Just smile and answer. There’s no point in arguing music with a tipsy college girl that you’re trying to hit on.

Safe Bets- Gwen Stefani-“Sweet Escape,” Fergie-“Glamorous,” Diddy-“Last Night”

Category No. 5:
5% Girl Talk


You’ve probably never heard of Girl Talk, and that is a damn shame. Girl Talk is an ingenious project that layers all of your favorite pop, rock, rap, and metal on top of each other producing a collection of fun, danceable songs. They sample everything from Ludacris to The Verve to Fall Out Boy to Elton John. Drive immediately to your local record store and pick up a Girl Talk CD. It’s that important.

Safe Bets- Girl Talk-“Smash Your Head,” Girl Talk-“Too Deep,” Girl Talk-“Summer Smoke”

Category No. 6:
5% Whatever You Want


Disclaimer: This does not include anything by Elliott Smith, Nick Drake, the Smiths, the Velvet Underground and Nico, or Jeff Buckley. Yes, I love these bands too; however, there is a time and place for “Pink Moon,” and it is NOT at your party. Add things like “Scotty Doesn’t Know” by Lustra from Eurotrip, Me First and the Gimme Gimme covers, or Chris Rock’s “No Sex in the Champagne Room.”

Safe Bets- The Dan Band-“Total Eclipse Of The Heart,” Me First And The Gimme Gimmes-“Walking On Sunshine,” DJ Yoeri-“Fuck On Cocaine”

Here’s a sample party mix of 100 songs:

30 Danceable Pop Songs

Christina Aguilera- "Diirty"
All American Rejects- "Dirty Little Secret"
Arctic Monkeys- "Fake Tales Of San Francisco"
Beyonce- "Check On It"
Black Eyed Peas- "Let’s Get Retarded"
Ray Charles- "Shake Your Tailfeather"
Ciara- "Oh"
Ciara- "Goodies"
Missy Elliott- "Get Your Freak On"
Haddaway- "What Is Love?"
Michael Jackson- "Beat It"
Kelis- "Milkshake"
Khia- "My Neck My Back"
Lady Sovereign- "Love Me Or Hate Me"
Lil’ Kim- "How Many Licks?"
Little Richard- "Shout"
OK Go- "Get Over It"
Outkast- "Hey Ya"
Outkast- "Bombs Over Baghdad"
Ram Jam- "Black Betty"
Scatman John- "Scatman"
Reel Big Fish- "Beer"
Sean Paul- "Temperature"
Shakira- "Hips Don’t Lie"
The Sounds- "Livin’ In America"
Gwen Stefani- "What You Waiting For?"
The Strokes- "Last Nite"
Taking Back Sunday- "Cute Without The E"
Justin Timberlake- "Sexy Back"
The White Stripes- "Fell In Love With A Girl"

25 Rap Songs

2 Live Crew- "Face Down Ass Up"
2 Pac- "California Love"
Rob Base And DJ EZ Rock- "It Takes Two"
Clarence Carter- "Strokin’"
DMX- "What’s My Name"
Ghetto Boyz- "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster"
Jay-Z- "99 Problems"
J-Kwan- "Tipsy"
R Kelly- "Ignition (Remix)"
Ludacris- "Move Bitch"
Ludacris- "Welcome To Atlanta (Remix)"
Mike Jones- "I Need A Dime"
Mystical- "Shake Your Ass"
Nas- "Hate Me Now"
Notorious BIG- "Hypnotize"
Ol’ Dirty Bastard- "Got Your Money"
Busta Rhymes- "Pass The Courvoisier"
Run DMC- "It’s Tricky"
Julez Santana- "Wait (The Whisper Song)"
Snoop Dog- "Gin And Juice"
Bubba Sparxxx- "Ms. New Booty"
Three Six Mafia- "Stay Fly"
Twista- "Like A 24"
Kanye West- "Gold Digger"
Kanye West- "Touch The Sky"

25 Songs Everyone Knows The Lyrics To

The Beatles- "Revolution"
Blind Melon- "No Rain"
Cheap Trick- "I Want You To Want Me"
Counting Crows- "Hangin’ Around"
Harvey Danger- "Flagpole Sitta’"
David Bowie- "Rebel Rebel"
Elton John- "Tiny Dancer"
Billy Joel- "Piano Man"
Janis Joplin- "Piece Of My Heart"
Green Day- "Basket Case"
Journey- "Don’t Stop Believin’"
Mr. Big- "To Be With You"
Oasis- "Champagne Supernova"
Tom Petty- "American Girl"
Poison- "I Want Action Tonight"
Rolling Stones- "Paint It Black"
Chan Romero- "Hippy Hippy Shake"
Paul Simon- "Me And Julio Down By The School Yard"
Rick Springfield- "Jessie’s Girl"
Styx- "Renegade"
Taking Back Sunday- "Cute Without The E"
The Temptations- "Ain’t To Proud To Beg"
Tommy Tutone- "867-5309 (Jenny)"
Wheatus- "Teenage Dirtbag"
The Who- "The Seeker"

10 Current Pop Songs

Akon- "Don’t Matter"
Beyonce- "Beautiful Liar"
Fat Joe- "Make It Rain"
Fergie- "Glamorous"
Gym Class Heroes- "Cupid’s Chokehold"
Lloyd- "You"
Mims- "This Is Why I’m Hot"
Rihanna- "Break It Off"
Gwen Stefani- "Sweet Escape"
T-Pain- "Buy U A Drank"

5 Girl Talk Songs

Girl Talk- "Ask About Me"
Girl Talk- "Friday Night"
Girl Talk- "Smash Your Head"
Girl Talk- "Summer Smoke"
Girl Talk- "Too Deep"

5 Of Whatever You Want

The Beta Band- "Dry The Rain"
The Dan Band- "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"
Glenn Miller Orchestra- "In The Mood"
Lusta- "Scotty Doesn’t Know"
Vengaboys- "Boom Boom Boom"


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