Examining The 'N Sync Reunion

You've heard the news already: Lance Bass would be "excited" about an 'N Sync reunion. Now, there's no way in hell that this is happening in the next couple of years... but what if it did? Even if Justin Timberlake is too busy banging his hot Hollywood girlfriend and being totally famous, no time is better than now.

After all, the boys don't want to wait until they're as washed up as New Kids On The Block, and the group has picked up a ton of new demographics since the days of 2001's Celebrity. At a time when the record industry has gone to shit, this accumulation of new fans could allow the group to sell relatively impressive numbers. Let's examine the new crowds brought in by each member...

Justin Timberlake, Frat Boys: Back in 2000, you would have trouble finding a single football player who'd admit he knows the "Bye Bye Bye" dance. Nine years later, your average Delta Kappa Whatever can be spotted binge-drinking to a soundtrack of "Cry Me A River" and "Sexyback". The Timberlake Effect, as I like to call it, has induced the hipster population to ironically embrace the former Mickey Mouse Club star. Unsurprisingly, Justin has raked in the largest amount of new demographics, as his R&B leanings have also allowed him to transcend racial boundaries.

Joey Fatone, Old People: Thanks to Dancing With The Stars, your mother and father are now familiar with Joey Fatone. They may not remember the days of the horrid red highlights or the "Fat one" nickname, but they do know him as the goofy, lovable dude who tangoed with a lightsaber to the Star Wars theme. Due to his boyish charm, thousands of housewives and grandmas have fallen in love with him. Not to mention me. With our powers combined, we can stop him from using so much damn product in his hair.

Lance Bass, Homosexuals: Sure. He's also been on Dancing With The Stars, but coming out of the closet was the best thing Lance Bass ever did for his career. When else was he going to have the opportunity to knock Johnny Depp off the cover of People magazine? With notches on his belt such as his New York Times best-seller autobiography, a Human Rights Campaign award and a conventionally attractive ex-boyfriend (Reichen Lehmkuhl), the rejected astronaut has transformed from the "other member no one really cared about" to a homo hero. Bass also brings in the demographic of sixteen year old girls who really want a gay friend they can go shopping with.

JC Chasez, Tweens: Though it's not exactly clear why Chasez or Lil Mama are qualified to assess the skills of pop-locking collectives, he's somehow been given a spot as a judge on America's Best Dance Crew. And who honestly watches anything on MTV these days besides the audience who wouldn't have been allowed to watch it back in the '80s? JC's tween-appeal makes up for the loss of mental health advocates after the release of his sadly titled Schizophrenic album. On that note, lesbians probably weren't too happy about the single "Some Girls (Dance With Women)", which incorporated such lyrics as "Some girls dance with women knowing that it gets them attention. And I wanna get in with them." All in all, Chasez may be the weakest link.

Chris Kirkpatrick, No One: On second thought, maybe 'N Sync needs to wait a few years for their fifth member to do something America cares about. Did anyone even own his collectible marionette back in the day? If so, an explanation is required.