Fall Out Boy: A Short Essay In Failure

Let it be known that Fall Out Boy is dangling onto their last 5 minutes of fame from a scaffold some 20 stories high, legs hanging above flickering city lights, passing cars and pedestrians. It’s no secret these guys are living out every stereotypical rock cliché they can think of before they disappear off the face of the earth – a day, I think, that cannot come soon enough.

Fall Out Boy has failed at many things since they skyrocketed (why?) to fame – namely embodying any sense of talent or originality and raping the wallets of thousands of pre-pubescent, mildly depressed 11-year-olds. Tuesday, they failed at yet another – that is, namely playing a gymnasium in Antarctica to become the first band to play all seven continents in nine months. The idea – thought of by band butt-boy Pete Wentz – would have put them in the Guinness Book of World Records, and MTV, who seemed more than thrilled to be there please note sarcasm was set to capture it all.

I fucking hate the music industry sometimes. Who the hell allowed this happen and who thought it was a good idea to put Fall Out Boy in a book as prominent as the Guinness Book of World Records? Oh yeah, it was Pete Wentz. Go fucking figure. This is a guy who thinks it would be cool to get his picture taken with his arm around a penguin – and be like, total frat boy. Please tell me this guy doesn’t make millions of dollars for really being this naive and stupid. Why are people like this allowed to be successful?

Why are people like this allowed to be born?