There are few things that you can truly enjoy without alcohol’s help, and karaoke is grandly among them.
This, my friends, is a feat. You don’t even need any vocal talent, but you can still sound half-decent thanks to an echoing distortion. These echoes may dumb down the genuinely good singers while elevating the slim talent of the worse ones, but you have no right to complain; if you’re a good singer you have no reason to be singing karaoke in the first place.
The beauty of karaoke is that it’s such a nonjudgmental atmosphere. You can sing a duet of Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero” and not be called gay; you can completely butcher “Moon River” and nobody will complain. After all, they’re no better than you. It’s a very free and friendly environment.
If you are a judgmental type, then don’t do it. If you expect decent singing, then attend a real concert.
Karaoke is not about the music. This must be admitted first and relished second; it’s not about musical talent, it’s about pretending you have musical talent. It’s like acting, only easier on the mind and harder on the ears. But the fun in karaoke comes from letting loose.
Granted, karaoke gets old. The shtick runs thin, and repeating songs just gets monotonous. It’s good for a quick fix, maybe two or three hours at the most, but beyond that there’s only so far you can take it. Which is why lines like, “Hey, wanna go to the karaoke bar?” aren’t as popular as lines like, “Hey, wanna see a movie?” or “Hey, wanna get a cup of coffee?” It just isn’t something you do every day. It’s something you do, maybe, once a month at most. Like an anniversary. Only harder on the ears.
Just Shut Up!
-- Brian Williams
So there I was in a decent sports bar, nursing a Guinness and enjoying a rather low-key atmosphere, when I see a DJ setting up shop in the corner. I wasn’t aware there was going to be a dance going on ‘til I saw some guy plugging in some monitors; I was about to meet the “art” of karaoke in person for the first time.
I was in the mindset it was going to be a hoot … until I noticed the crowd of patrons gathering at the front near the DJ’s table, both men and women, with CDs in hand, checking their hair/makeup/teeth/etc., in the reflective surfaces of the wall hangings.
Instead of getting treated to a bunch of drunks belting out Journey songs in no discernable key, I get these “amateur professionals” who bring their own materials to these events, people who actually can sing, in hopes of strutting their stuff before a relatively captive audience. But why? In hopes of impressing a stray talent agent that might be present? Are they that attention starved and ego driven that this is their “hobby”?
Look, the whole idea of karaoke is just simple, dumb fun. I wouldn’t do it (I already know what it’s like to be on a stage), but this is taking it to a whole new convoluted level. Folks who usually sing only in the shower get a chance to get embarrassed in front of others who are just as embarrassed to be in attendance, but these jerks show up to a kid’s game looking for full contact competition. It’s a farce that ends up being musical prostitution.
The solution? Nip it in the bud. Leave karaoke for living rooms and kid’s birthday parties and stop these losers from making a lame idea even worse.
Comment on “Great Debate - Karaoke: Sign Me Up Or Just Shut Up?”
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It's funny ... no matter how many Cosmopolitans I've kicked back, there is nothing that would get me on stage to sing Karaoke. It's my real-life equivalent to the dream where you show up at school naked. Absolutely horrifying.
The weird thing is that I can sing. I've been involved with making music in some form or another (piano, guitar, etc.) since I was a kid. But standing in front of a big drunken crowd in a bar butchering songs is way too scary for me. Too shy for that sort of thing, I suppose.
That said, it can be fun to watch other people sing and make asses of themselves. But probably not for more than 20 minutes or so.
Karaoke is quite possibly the worst invention in human history. Can it be fun? In theory, yes. When we think about going out with our fellows and getting piss drunk, then cranking some tunes and wailing our hearts out in gleeful comradery sounds kind of nice, but then witnessing it in person is horrifying.
For those who are bad at karaoke, which makeup about 99.8% of those who do it, it's an excruciating thing to see and hear. For those who are good at it, granted it's not as grating on the ears, makes me sad because I know these people have their own machines at home and practice every night of the week for a one night performance. This is sad to me and makes me prefer the bad ones who are just having a blast.
I like both Brian and Michael's points though. Good debate, fellas.
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April 4, 2007 at 09:06
April 4, 2007 at 12:57