Great Debate - Karaoke: Sign Me Up Or Just Shut Up?

Karaoke - Sign Me Up Or Just Shut Up?

Sign Me Up!

-- Michael Fraiman

There are few things that you can truly enjoy without alcohol’s help, and karaoke is grandly among them.

This, my friends, is a feat. You don’t even need any vocal talent, but you can still sound half-decent thanks to an echoing distortion. These echoes may dumb down the genuinely good singers while elevating the slim talent of the worse ones, but you have no right to complain; if you’re a good singer you have no reason to be singing karaoke in the first place.

The beauty of karaoke is that it’s such a nonjudgmental atmosphere. You can sing a duet of Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero” and not be called gay; you can completely butcher “Moon River” and nobody will complain. After all, they’re no better than you. It’s a very free and friendly environment.

If you are a judgmental type, then don’t do it. If you expect decent singing, then attend a real concert.

Karaoke is not about the music. This must be admitted first and relished second; it’s not about musical talent, it’s about pretending you have musical talent. It’s like acting, only easier on the mind and harder on the ears. But the fun in karaoke comes from letting loose.

Granted, karaoke gets old. The shtick runs thin, and repeating songs just gets monotonous. It’s good for a quick fix, maybe two or three hours at the most, but beyond that there’s only so far you can take it. Which is why lines like, “Hey, wanna go to the karaoke bar?” aren’t as popular as lines like, “Hey, wanna see a movie?” or “Hey, wanna get a cup of coffee?” It just isn’t something you do every day. It’s something you do, maybe, once a month at most. Like an anniversary. Only harder on the ears.

Just Shut Up!

-- Brian Williams

So there I was in a decent sports bar, nursing a Guinness and enjoying a rather low-key atmosphere, when I see a DJ setting up shop in the corner. I wasn’t aware there was going to be a dance going on ‘til I saw some guy plugging in some monitors; I was about to meet the “art” of karaoke in person for the first time.

I was in the mindset it was going to be a hoot … until I noticed the crowd of patrons gathering at the front near the DJ’s table, both men and women, with CDs in hand, checking their hair/makeup/teeth/etc., in the reflective surfaces of the wall hangings.

Instead of getting treated to a bunch of drunks belting out Journey songs in no discernable key, I get these “amateur professionals” who bring their own materials to these events, people who actually can sing, in hopes of strutting their stuff before a relatively captive audience. But why? In hopes of impressing a stray talent agent that might be present? Are they that attention starved and ego driven that this is their “hobby”?

Look, the whole idea of karaoke is just simple, dumb fun. I wouldn’t do it (I already know what it’s like to be on a stage), but this is taking it to a whole new convoluted level. Folks who usually sing only in the shower get a chance to get embarrassed in front of others who are just as embarrassed to be in attendance, but these jerks show up to a kid’s game looking for full contact competition. It’s a farce that ends up being musical prostitution.

The solution? Nip it in the bud. Leave karaoke for living rooms and kid’s birthday parties and stop these losers from making a lame idea even worse.

Where Do You Stand?

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