KISS Poison Europe

Gene Simmons and his rotating band of geriatrics hit the road again. The massive sellouts and possible contenders for the shittiest band in the history of music (yes, this includes Box Car Racer) played Melbourne last night, after the Formula One Grand Prix event. I’ll let you guys play choose your own adventure to figure out why I didn’t attend the concert. If you think it’s because I don’t live in Australia, turn to page 35. If you think it’s because I’d rather attend an orgy for Star Trek fans than even momentarily interact with any card-carrying member of the KISS Army, turn to page 46. And finally, if you think it’s because I accidentally came across this picture last Thursday and haven’t been able to stop vomiting, collect your commemorative Cinema Blend key chain for guessing correctly.

According to Music-News, KISS is also scheduled to underwhelm and bloat UK’s prestigious Download Festival on June 13th, 14th, and 15th. This summer will mark the first time the band has hopscotched through Europe in almost a decade, as they will play a large grouping of gigs on a tour they’ve recently dubbed 2008 Alive/35. On behalf of the United States, I hereby thank our friends across the sea. Even one summer without this cancerous mass of shitty riffs and bad makeup is a godsend.