Keith Richards OD’s On Guitars

No, nobody had a real overdose. Calm yourself. But there is an opening tangent coming, so hang on:

In an episode of one of America’s most frivolous TV shows, Cribs, the cameras take a look inside of Fabio’s gargantuan bachelor pad. In his kitchen, the man who can’t believe it’s not butter has motorcycles. A lot of them. His collection apparently numbers over 200, and the man is still single for some reason. Considering that episode, it occurs to me that some people have far more items in their possession than they can handle. I suddenly wish Fabio would give me a motorcycle or two; after all, one cannot spend quality time riding 200 motorcycles and still have a productive career.

To re-enter the proper arena: My wish has come true, at least indirectly. Bony pirate and immortal chemical pioneer Keith Richards has decided he’s got too many guitars, and he’s in the process of figuring out what to do with them, Music-News reported Monday. A couple of his ideas: open up a museum, or give them away.

“I have 3,000 guitars and only one pair of hands,” the suddenly very wise guitarist told reporters. “It’s an incredible collection of beautiful instruments but I only play about ten of them, and guitars have to be played.”

According to Music-News, one of them is now in the hands of blues guitarist Buddy Guy, a thank-you gift for participating in martin Scorsese’s Stones documentary, Shine a Light. It seems Richards may be inclined to give more of them away as gifts, as many were gifted to him.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve that,” he said. “I’ve been one of the biggest assholes in the world!”

I don’t know about Richards’ past with regard to being an asshole, but if he follows through with his charitable intentions, by the time he has whittled his collection down to a normal amount of instruments, he will probably be a saint a dozen or so times over. One way he can get closer to sainthood? Toss one of those axes over here, Keith – help out an overburdened music journalist with a heart-lifting gift of brilliant music history! There will likely be a very positive blog entry in it for you, which you can then carry around in your pocket and read whenever you’re feeling down. Maybe I’ll even write a song about you. How about “You Can’t Always Get What You Want (But Keith Richards Just Gave Me A Sweet Effing Guitar)”? Think about it.