Kid Rock Eats Breakfast, Pummels Man

In possibly the tastiest tale ever recorded, Kid Rock was arrested on Sunday morning at an Atlanta Waffle House with five members of his entourage for pummeling a local drunk ass. The confrontation began brewing when the “Cowboy” singer entered and a local man recognized a female groupie accompanying the rock star. Although not confirmed, she was likely there for moral support. After a series of insults from the hometown hero, Rock and friends began gang-pounding him. The victorious group quickly left and piled in a tour bus for secrecy. In a stunning work of solid policemanship, officers soon tracked down the oversized vehicle and pulled it over.

According to The Atlanta Journal Constitution, Kid Rock and five members of his posse were booked on misdemeanor batter charges. The assaulted schmuck was slapped with a felony count for damaging Waffle House property, not exactly innocent victim behavior. I’d be shocked if this type of altercation happened at any other establishment, but the twenty-four hour breakfast restaurant practically caters to hillbilly throwdowns. My sophomore year of college I lived within drunk stumbling distance of a Waffle House, and heated arguments were a routine part of drunk binge eating there. Delicious, isn’t it?