Led Zeppelin Not Touring This Week

The on-again-off-again Led Zeppelin tour has been nixed once again, this time by lead singer Robert Plant. The three surviving members were reportedly offered a staggering two hundred million dollars, but with only two-thirds of the band on board, the gigs have been shelved. Maybe even permanently.

According to The Sunday Mirror, the world’s most reliable paper, a confidential source has revealed Plant’s ambivalence toward touring with Page and Jones. I can understand his apprehension, but is anyone’s reputation worth refusing more money than God has ever seen? I’d Misty Mountain Hop my ass into a lot of shady, uncomfortable places for two hundred million.

Let’s be honest: this will not be the last Led Zeppelin tour news you’ll read. Not even on this website. Next week Plant will be ready and raring to go, but the gigs will be postponed two days later because John Paul Jones’ tooth will be infected. Plus, the last time the world trusted a sketchy source, we bombed Iraq (Thanks CIA Informant Curve Ball). So, take all of this news with skepticism.