Lollapalooza: One Festival Under Urban Outfitters

They will ruin Rock N Roll and strangle everything we love about it. -- Almost Famous

Sunday night, Blues Traveler covered “Devil Went Down To Georgia.” John Popper played the fiddle solo, spot on, with a harmonica. Dumbfounded and impressed, I looked for someone else to share in my wonderment. Three kids were throwing a Frisbee around to my right, a couple was making out in front of me, and some douche bags with Chinese writing tattoos were loudly discussing Kanye West. I sighed--to no one in particular--and started writing in my miniature notebook. Then an old guy mumbled, “fucking amazing.” I later found out he was fifty-eight and had driven all night after work on Thursday to get here from Boston. Haggard and a little bit hard of hearing, the old man seemed wildly out of place at a festival which prides itself on celebrating diversity but really only caters to a generation of anti-trendy trendy hipsters who pride themselves on being fiercely original while rebelling in all the same cliché ways.

If Republican fundraisers are get-togethers for old white guys to celebrate their extravagant wealth, Lollapalooza is a three day PG-13 rated shindig for politically-conscious, guilt-ridden white people to applaud each other on how open-minded they are. I saw Lupe Fiasco AND Wilco because my taste is eclectic! There is not one innovative or eye-opening detail about the entire experience. You can’t turn around twice without seeing a half dozen tramp stamps and three or four brown messenger bags covered in obvious and overdone buttons. Diversity? That’s a fucking laugh. Lollapalooza is one festival under Urban Outfitters.

If this weekend’s events at Grant Park proved anything, it’s Rock N Roll will never change the world again. John Lennon was gunned down, baby, and his spirit was forced out by gentrification.