Metallica Does Guitar Hero

I don’t really get Guitar Hero. It strikes me as the biggest waste of time this side of talking during sex, but it’s impossible to question how much other people seem to love it. Last year, my roommates would play it for hours a day, laughing like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and occasionally, unleashing profanity-fueled tirades eerily reminiscent of Sarah Silverman in Way Of The Gun. Sadly, no one ever got sucker punched in the nose. Whatever. Not my thing. But now that one of history’s greatest shitty bands of all time has signed on for their own version, I feel as if I must take notice.

According to Billboard, Metallica, the band who hasn’t made a good album since Nirvana released Nevermind, is rumored to have signed an agreement with Activision, the wealthy organization behind money-making juggernaut Guitar Hero. The game, tentatively titled Guitar Hero: Metallica would likely follow a similar format to the upcoming Guitar Hero: Aerosmith and pop up sometime next year. OMFG. That pwns all.

In other news, Metallica is hard at work on their new album, which thankfully does not include any production credits for heinous spawn-of-satan Bob Rock. Legendary mastermind Rick Rubin has taken the lead, and he’s vowed to return the band to their glory days. You remember, the 1980s, that ten year period in which Lars, James, Kirk, and Cliff gave us four of the greatest albums ever. If this whole Guitar Hero thing ends up going through, let’s hope only songs before Load are selected.