Metallica Offers Peek Of New Album, Lars Pissed

Remember Napster? Remember how stoked you were that you wouldn’t have to waste your allowance buying CDs that sucked most of the time anyway? Remember how pissed you were when Lars Ulrich and Metallica tried to shut down Napster because “I Disappear” was available for download before its release date? Yeah, me too, but I guess Lars and the boys thought we forgot.

Metallica has taken its first steps toward cashing in on the online music business by launching the website Mission:Metallica. The website is intended to take fans into the depths of the recording process for Metallica’s forthcoming album, the proverbial olive branch after forcing St. Anger on us all. Not only will fans be able to attain “fly on the wall” status by peeking into studio sessions, but “platinum” members will receive physical delivery of the new album the day it comes out.

Tellingly, the website gives no indication of what, if any, the charge will be for platinum membership. Let’s attempt to do the math on what this service may cost: $15 for the physical CD + $.99 for each ringtone of new songs + $20 monthly membership fee + $9 shipping & handling + $30 “you probably downloaded us on Napster” fee + $15 “our album might suck so we’re depending on you for profit” fee + $10 “you’ll probably burn the CD for your cheapskate friends” insurance. That comes out to a whopping $99.99 for exclusive access to an album that, unless Rick Rubin works his sorcery, might reek more than James Hetfield after a night on the town. I think I’ll just wait to download it from Lime Wire.