Mommy Look! Hannah Montana's Nakey!

Alright America, let’s take a poll. Would you prefer your 15 year-old daughter to: a) be caught snorting coke off the toilet bowl at a local bar called Fat Baby, b) have nude photos she took of herself with her camera phone plastered all over the internet, or c) appear in Vanity Fair with her shoulders and upper back exposed and a bed sheet covering her lower back, chest, and stomach?

Yeah, you’d probably choose Vanity Fair, and you’d probably choose it even if you weren’t going to be paid more than the president’s annual salary. You’d probably even be grateful your little girl isn’t frolicking around in her daisy dukes and crop tops. You’d hug your wife and celebrate because your little girl is nothing like Lindsay Lohan.

So why the fuss over Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana’s upcoming photo spread for Vanity Fair, the photo spread shot by Annie Leibovitz who did a cover of Rolling Stone featuring a nude John Lennon in the fetal position? Because she’s Disney’s wunderkind. Because what would Minnie Mouse do. Because some of her fans are still learning not to eat dirt and that sharing is caring.

But, let’s be honest: the little boys and girls who still scream “Poopy!” before running to the bathroom have no idea what Vanity Fair is. And if they were to see the Vanity Fair pictures, they’d probably more likely say, “Mommy, I tooted” than “Mommy, she’s nakey!” The real problem is adults are scared that this is the start of a Lindsay Lohan-like decline, that the next thing we’ll hear is Miley Cyrus has moved into the Chateau Marmont and has been seen hanging out with Paris Hilton or perhaps that she is pregnant with Eminem’s baby.

But, she won’t be. To put it bluntly, Disney’s paying her too much to go down that road. Her father’s too happy his family name has been rescued to let his daughter go down that road. But, if she does go down that road, you can always say, “I told you so” and stick out your tongue, just like you did when your best friend ate a whole bag of jellybeans in kindergarten and got a tummy ache.