Music Economics 101: Kid Rock on iTunes

Good day, class. Today we will be studying the economics of the modern music industry according to Robert Ritchie. Mr. Ritchie, whom some of you may know better as Kid Rock, outlined his theories earlier this week in an interview with the BBC. Let us now take the time to examine the finer points he made. “I don’t mind people stealing my music, that’s fine. But I think they should steal everything.” Such exquisite articulation of a universal ideal. However, despite encouraging kleptomaniacs the world over, Kid Rock makes sure to clear his own name: “No, I don’t steal things. I’m rich.” Ah, of course! Poor people need to steal to accrue as much material goods as the rich. A wanting philosophy, but at least a linear one, much better than the one he divulged earlier in the article:

“The internet was an opportunity for everyone to be treated fairly, for the consumer to get a fair price, for the artist to be paid fairly, for the record companies to make some money." Again, Kid Rock seems to be making logical enough statements. He then criticizes the twisted road the music industry followed the internet down: the relationship between the two was based on “an old system, where iTunes takes the money, the record company takes the money, and they don't give it to the artists.” It seems odd for a man too rich to steal to be whining about not being paid enough. But, then again, let’s think of the American plutocracy crying over their taxes. We’ll ignore the issue for now as just another example of a greedy rock star crying into his silk handkerchief.

“Back in the day, we all know the stories of the Otis Reddings and Chuck Berrys and Fats Dominos who never got paid." Now, we’ve hit a pothole in our path to understanding the economic philosophy of Mr. Robert Ritchie. He has just inadvertently thrown “Bawitdaba” in with “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.” Partying on a yacht with Pam Anderson is not struggling. Putting out an album titled Rock ‘n’ Roll Jesus does not make one a martyr, especially when the lead single is titled “So Hott.” Crying because one doesn’t get paid enough after selling a million records does not equal singing into a can for a quarter or having a generation of Americans only know your song “Roll Over Beethoven” because of a wily St. Bernard.

“I will be on iTunes eventually because I can’t avoid it, but I like to always stick to my guns and prove a point and do something original and because I believe it.” This would be a far more convincing economic treatise were it not for that little white flag Kid Rock just waved or the fact that he is on iTunes, in Europe and soon to be on the U.K. version.

Now, class, as we have seen, this exercise proves a great tool in understanding why artists need watch what they say for fear of sticking a foot so deep into their mouths they vomit on everyone. It seems today’s lesson is this: Listen to music, not interviews. That’s all for today; make sure to bring a calculator next class as we will estimate how soon Atlantic Records will drop Kid Rock.