Ohio To Become Unlikely Place To Congregate Mid-May

Ah, I remember the days of my youth, a time when I could refer, with obnoxious teenage cool, to my favorite bands in code. STP, RATM, and NIN were among my favorites; they were all vociferous and volatile, and without my mother’s knowledge of this “code,” I could refer to my favorite bands freely without that bitch moanin’ (Yes, I was a little shit). Then the new century came round,’ and my favorite bands had all broken apart because of differences, and, even if those bands were still together, they’d lost their clever spark and might as well have fallen into anonymity. Besides, I was older, I’d discovered make-up, tank tops, boys, and, above all, I accrued a queer obsession with what I like to call post-punk, but is more commonly referred to as emo music (good thing that phase didn’t last long).

Years passed and I began to forget the little shit with the boyish, I-hit-walls-when-I’m-pissed-off taste in music, except to occasionally throw on The Downward Spiral and remember the good ol’ days when Trent Reznor lacked a shaved head and could still write an over-the-top, passive yet livid ballad. Then, a few weeks back, I heard a rumor that Scott Weiland, nay, all four members of the Stone Temple Pilots would reunite this summer to play a few gigs. What, a chance to return to my prepubescent days of glory? As superb as all of this sounded, I didn’t bother to get my hopes up until earlier when Billboard announced STP would indeed be playing the Rock on the Range festival in none other than Columbus, Ohio.

The concert will be held at the Columbus Crew Stadium between May 17-18 of this good year of the lord (out of all the locations to reunite in, right?). So, ladies and gentleman, pull out those JNCO Jeans, those scuffed and scratched combat boots, and that t-shirt of that band you had forgotten even existed, and come prepared to be primal in the nice and wholesome, conservative appealing, blue collar Midwest. The cows’ll surely thank you, even if those nice churchgoers won’t.