Panic! At The Corporate Tree-Hugger Tour

You have a problem. I know, I read your diary. Oh, I’m sorry journal. Watching Panic At The Disco and Motion City Soundtrack perform live, in all their pop-punk glory, is a top priority, but you also need to spend an afternoon researching how you can save the World. What a pathetic conundrum. If only there was a way you could do both. Wait, I got it! What if there was a tour that brought together hardass punk bands–I mean like bold in-your-face PG-13 rated anti-establishment entertainers–and eco-friendly pamphlets? We could even have a major automotive manufacturer sponsor the whole thing. Damn, this idea is too good to be true. Or is it?

According to Billboard, the Honda Civic Tour will feature both the aforementioned bands and a large gathering of booths designed to provide concert-goers with nature-saving instructions. “We wanted to make [the Honda Civic Tour] more about what fans can do to make a difference,” said one high-level executive from Honda. They’re even going to provide information on re-usable water bottles.

Re-usable water bottles! Why didn’t I think of that? If we all just refilled out six ounce bottles of H20, Global Warming would cower and retreat, realizing it had been defeated by the powers of positive thinking and good vibes.

I’m not even sure what I’m more sick of: below-average punk bands or this hippy ‘if everyone just walked to work’ bullshit. I’m not going to see Panic At The Disco; so, I really don’t care how many positive thinking strategies they shove down the audience’s throat. But God help me if this fad catches on, and I have to sit through carbon monoxide lectures during future Led Zeppelin gigs.

What’s that noise? I must have left my water on while I was brushing my teeth four hours ago. Oh well. I’d get up and turn it off, but I’m too busy chucking those plastic thingies that hold pop cans together at members of the local duck population.