Panic! At The Corporate Tree-Hugger Tour

By Mack Rawden 2008-01-10 12:30:04
You have a problem. I know, I read your diary. Oh, Iím sorry journal. Watching Panic At The Disco and Motion City Soundtrack perform live, in all their pop-punk glory, is a top priority, but you also need to spend an afternoon researching how you can save the World. What a pathetic conundrum. If only there was a way you could do both. Wait, I got it! What if there was a tour that brought together hardass punk bandsĖI mean like bold in-your-face PG-13 rated anti-establishment entertainersĖand eco-friendly pamphlets? We could even have a major automotive manufacturer sponsor the whole thing. Damn, this idea is too good to be true. Or is it?

According to Billboard, the Honda Civic Tour will feature both the aforementioned bands and a large gathering of booths designed to provide concert-goers with nature-saving instructions. ďWe wanted to make [the Honda Civic Tour] more about what fans can do to make a difference,Ē said one high-level executive from Honda. Theyíre even going to provide information on re-usable water bottles.

Re-usable water bottles! Why didnít I think of that? If we all just refilled out six ounce bottles of H20, Global Warming would cower and retreat, realizing it had been defeated by the powers of positive thinking and good vibes.

Iím not even sure what Iím more sick of: below-average punk bands or this hippy Ďif everyone just walked to workí bullshit. Iím not going to see Panic At The Disco; so, I really donít care how many positive thinking strategies they shove down the audienceís throat. But God help me if this fad catches on, and I have to sit through carbon monoxide lectures during future Led Zeppelin gigs.

Whatís that noise? I must have left my water on while I was brushing my teeth four hours ago. Oh well. Iíd get up and turn it off, but Iím too busy chucking those plastic thingies that hold pop cans together at members of the local duck population.
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