Slipknot And Disturbed Man Up For Tour

Hey, neanderthal douche bag. Put down the protein shake and get that HGH syringe out of your ass, I’ve got news, manly hardass metal tour news you and your frat buddies will totally roid rage to. Slipknot and Disturbed are joining forces, and they’re amped-up to skull fuck your last brain cells to death.

Wait, it gets better. Billboard has confirmed the festival will be sponsored by Rockstar Energy Drink! Yes, I know you drink Rockstar everyday before you put up 310 on the vertical bench press. You already told me, and I’m just as impressed this time. No, I don’t feel like drinking eight PBRs and slipping a roofie in someone’s drink. Maybe later, though, dude.

Wait, it gets even more better. The tour has been christened Mayhem! I know, it makes me want to lay a beatdown on someone too! Rar! Oh, you need to head out and buy more cut off shirts? Alright, later on, Broseph!