Amy Winehouse-level train wreck and current patient on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab Steven Adler is desperately attempting to beat off another drug charge in hopes he can clean up his life and re-hook up with Axl Rose and what he stupidly still refers to as Guns N Roses. Now you may be confused as to how Adler could be in court on heroin charges and be a patient in rehab, but unfortunately, the show was filmed some time ago, giving the drummer time to slip back into his old heroiny ways. How seedy.

According to NME, Adler’s lawyer released a statement saying his client would like to return to Guns N Roses, do a comeback album, and then a world tour. Great. I’d like to find a zero calorie Mountain Dew alternative, write a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, and saunter around the world being worshipped by only non-douche bags. I’ll let you know how much of that I can accomplish by Friday.

I honestly hope Steven Adler’s hastily-thrown together scheme works out because that would mean another original Guns N Roses member has returned, possibly paving the way for a full scale reunion. Hey--I can still dream, right?