Students At Brown Book Girl Talk, Are Smarter Than You

I’m smarter than you. My friends are smarter than you. I’m sorry if that’s a little blunt, but facts are abrasive and stubborn. While you were taking Algebra, I was a year ahead, writing proofs and being underwhelmed by Geometry. While you were experimenting with premarital sex in the janitor’s closet, I was writing papers on Flaubert. That’s right, Flaubert. You’re probably not even familiar with his work, dumbass, but it’s not always political discussions and musings about Chaos Theory. When the intellectual elite feel like throwing down and getting rowdy, we trump the Philistines too. You probably think getting belligerent more often makes you a master, but when sheltered geniuses whip off the constrains of responsibility and pound shots like there’s no tomorrow, shit always hits the fan. Hell, I only drink once or twice a month, but when I do, it always involves inappropriate nudity and calling well-respected women cunts.

According to Pitchfork, my fellow go-geters over at Brown are planning their own weekend of debauchery. This year’s annual Spring Weekend will feature concerts by Girl Talk, Lupe Fiasco, and Umphrey’s McGee in addition to obscene levels of toplessness and fornication. The raucous party will go down over forty-eight hours on April 11th and 12th; so, put down your essay on Virginia Woolf and pick up a beer bong. It’s time to get obstreperous.