Whitney Makes More Money Than Jesus

There are just some things in this world that are to special to put a price on. It’s true. Mastercard told me in a commercial earlier today. Let’s take Whitney Houston for example. This gorgeous forty-four year old mother has found time to sell millions of records, smoke illegal substances, and embody every characteristic I hope my daughters one day possess. She’s even managed to throw away nearly all her artistic credibility and become excellent fodder for tabloid gossip. You just can’t put a price on that. Or can you?

According to Music-News, the legendary diva has re-upped with Arista Records for a whopping one hundred million dollars. That was not a typo. For that staggering price tag, she better be doing the entire company’s laundry and providing lip service for the CEO. There’s no word on how Arista expects to recoup this money, but if recent history is any indication, they wont.