Mixtape Madness: Tracks For A Beatdown

By Mack Rawden 2008-01-10 17:36:06
Music has the ability to polarize our moods. It can serve as the catalyst to get our blood boiling or even pumping in certain South of the border directions. Iíll be honest: Iíve never been in a fight. I just donít have the vindictive, alpha male characteristics required to chuck fists at another man, but even still, Iíll occasionally be in a fiery, hot-tempered mood and certain songs will push me near the edge, jeopardizing my good vibes equilibrium.

This edition of Mixtape Madness is dedicated to those songs, the testosterone-laden tracks that make normal people lash out and beat some motherfuckiní ass. Get your sword out and prepare your adrenal gland to fire.

1) Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit: Yeah, Limp Bizkit kinda blows, but sometimes it is just one of those days where you donít wanna wake up. Everything is fucked. Everybody sucks. Timing in at just under three minutes, ďBreak StuffĒ builds and builds, eventually reaching its dangerous climax as the music stops and Fred screams, Your fuckiní face tonight.

2) Killing In The Name Of by Rage Against The Machine: A scathing rant about mind control, Zach de la Rochaís voice is so desperate you canít help but wield your battle axe and join the revolution. Some of those that were forces are the same that bore crosses. Besides, has anyone not felt like shouting ďFuck you, I wonít do what you tell me?Ē

3) Move Bitch by Ludacris: Cinema Blend does not condone drunk driving, but we will endorse screaming Iím D.U.I. hardly ever caught sober and you about to get ran the fuck over as some tightass goes the speed limit in the lefthand expressway lane.

4) Iím Shipping Off To Boston by Dropkick Murphyís: Yes, I know half the lyrics are about finding a wooden leg, but doesnít that Irish beat make you wanna down eight car bombs and shiv someone? Bust out the Jameson and find me a Scot! Iím ready to potato famine my foot up someoneís ass.

5) The Four Horsemen by Metallica: Just forget about the satanic riffs for a second. James Hetfield shouting Lock up your wife and children now. Its time to wield the blade. is enough to draw even the pussiest among us to arms.

6) A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash: The only country song to make the list, Cashís ďA Boy Named SueĒ isnít loud, but it sure as hell does chronicle one of the more vicious slugfests in recorded history. He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear. But I busted a chair right across his teeth. And we crashed through the wall and into the street. Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer. Kinda makes Ali and Frasier sound like pussies, huh?

7) TNT by AC/DC: Picture some dank redneck bar. The moonshine is a flowiní and tempers are starting to boil and machismo over. A stranger enters. Women to the left of him, women to the right. He ainít got no gun. He ainít go no knife. But heíll win that fight. Someone lunges. An eye pops out. The backwoods hillbilly philharmonic gathers around, grunting oi a lot. Yeah, Iíll throw down to this song.

8) Saturday Nightís Alright For Fighting by Elton John: Yes, Iím well aware Elton John is hardly He-Man (on second thought, he was pretty homo-erotic), but ďSaturday NightĒ is still a great homage to weekend warriors and the ass whoopings they dole out.

9) Eat The Rich by Motorhead: The Supreme Court has hemmed and hawed for years on which, if any, spoken utterances constitute fighting words. I canít help them out, except to say, this Lemmy diatribe definitely applies Home cooking, homicide, side order, could be your daughter. Fingerlicking good.

10) Headstrong by Trapt: We all know Trapt sucks. Itís pretty well been established as fact by now, but you canít deny the first time you heard this song, evil thoughts of beating up women over seventy crossed through your mind. Din't they? I knew it, you sick bastard. Back off. Iíll take you all on.

11) Letís Go by Trick Daddy: Trick Daddy puts the fear of God into me. He looks like every homeless guy Iíve ever seen, but in the back of my head, I know heís got guns and no problem using them. If you want some, come get some.

12) Stupify by Disturbed: Iím not sure how to spell that menacing noise lead singer Dave Draiman makes every few seconds, but it makes the little hairs on my ass stand up and raise their little follicle fists.

Thatís whatís on my mixtape. What songs rev up your spiteful spirit?
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