10 Movies For 2014 We Secretly Think Will Be Terrible

By Gabe Toro 2014-01-02 22:51:04discussion comments
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Worst Case Scenario: The Heroes in a Half Shell are back in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thanks to the folks at Platinum Dunes. This studio, fyi, makes movies. Though, looking at their output, you might be confused and think they’re actually professional torture merchants freelancing at Guantanamo. There’s that time they remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Or that time they made A Nightmare On Elm Street. Also, remember when they re-did Friday The 13th? And remember when everyone hated all those movies, and each one opened huge and then withered and died at the box office? This is a studio that makes terrible movies, mostly remakes, that NO ONE LIKES. Not the critics, not the audiences, not the people in the cheap or the assigned seats. And this latest offering from the studio that brought you The Purge (which logged a "C" Cinemascore and boasted a premise even a five year old would understand crumbles after twenty seconds of thought) is being directed by Jonathan Liebesman. Liebesman you may recall, is the man behind the failed Battle: Los Angeles, who killed the franchise with Wrath Of The Titans and who already worked with Platinum Dunes on Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, which made less than half of what its predecessor generated. Even Megan Fox, who was previously fired from the Transformers series by Dunes head honcho Michael Bay, is re-teaming with him again as April O’Neil. Everybody involved with this movie has failed upwards!

Best Case Scenario: You are on excellent drugs when you watch this movie. Somehow, you don’t mind that nothing onscreen makes any sense. And that is the best-case scenario.

Release Date: August 8
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