I need more Mean Girls in my life. If you have taste, you probably feel the same way. The fetch 2004 comedy is endlessly quotable and surprisingly thoughtful. It’s also filled with an army of supporting characters with strange, unexplained backstories that cry out for more information.

A few years ago, ABC Family gave the world a bullshit sequel that brought back no one except Tim Meadows. Now, there’s a sister project in development called Mean Moms. I suppose I’ll see the latter if it ever makes its way to theaters, but in all honesty, what I really want is something that has a more tangible connection to the vibrant world Tina Fey created.

What I want is to spend more time with the foot cream-using, Kalteen Bar-eating, weather-predicting characters I already love. What I want is clarity for the lingering subplots I’ve always wondered about and more information on the supporting players I’ve never gotten. What I want is seven Mean Girls spinoff movies, and I need them as quickly as possible.

Here are my recommendations…

Love In The Time Of Toaster Strudel
Think The Social Network with far more delicious stakes. The cutthroat, high stakes business drama, romantic comedy prequel to Mean Girls follows Mr. Wieners as he competes against a rival food scientist to present Pillsbury with a workable alternative to the Pop Tart. With gooey focus, our hero pushes the boundaries of what’s possible with quick breakfast preparations and ultimately creates a snack for the ages.

In the middle of it all, he meets the beautiful future Mrs. Wieners, a sassy Jewish beauty who dreams of buying a large house in the suburbs of Chicago. He’s used to working eighty hour weeks by himself. She’s used to dating brash, confident and unemployed men. It’s a match made in late twenties common sense heaven. Look for a climax involving a multi-million dollar check, the birth of an insecure and beautiful baby girl and probably some hoop earrings.

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