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AvP: RebuttalBy Stuart Wood: 2004-07-04 00:00:00
Since posting this article, myself and NotSoSecretAgent have become the targets of a baseless hate campaign initiated by a select few misguided, ignorant and immature people on other internet forums. I will not name which ones, as the boards/sites involved are not to blame, merely those said select individuals who choose to post on those boards, so I will spare the sites any further humiliation. I can take an ignorant flame on a forum on the chin as much as the next man, but when my personal email address is posted by someone else on a public forum with express instructions to others to deliberately bombard me with offensive and derogatory attacks – and to have supposedly grown adults then indulge this childish behaviour – then a line has been crossed. NotSoSecretAgent has approached me and asked that I post a statement he has written addressing all the issues raised by this unfortunate situation and which I hope will put the matter to rest once and for all. The following is what he has to say: It’s been almost a week since I saw Alien vs. Predator. Last Monday night, as I was leaving the theatre with my complimentary movie pass in hand, I had no idea my thoughts would incite what they have. So, now, I’d like to formally respond to criticism. First off, let’s start off with the most frequent piece of criticism: whether or not I even saw it. The people questioning whether or not I saw it are ironically the people who are hotly anticipating Alien vs. Predator the most. The fanboys. Because it’s a negative review, they are quick to jump the gun and say, “He didn’t see it! He lies!” Well, like it or not, I saw Alien vs. Predator on Monday, June 28th, 2004. A Cinema Blend forum member by the name of Deus Ex Machina brought up a good point about this; if my review had been overwhelmingly positive, nobody would question whether or not I saw it. The fanboys would simply say, “Awesome!” and continue believing the movie is going to be the best movie of all time ever. Really, think about it, what reason do I have to lie? I discussed the movie and how I saw it with people I’ve been posting with for close to two years now BEFORE I posted on IGN and BEFORE I wrote up a review of the movie. I have no reason to lie to these people. I consider them my friends (in an internet sort of way) and I wouldn’t lie to them. Next, I have pictures of my ticket. Image 1 Image 2 My ticket has been questioned because it doesn’t say Alien vs. Predator anywhere on the ticket. Well, if you had read the paragraph BEFORE the review, you’d see that I attended a blind screening. I had absolutely no idea what movie I was going to be seeing until about 10 seconds before the movie started playing. I didn’t even have time to think about how bad the movie looked or who directed it beforehand because I didn’t even know what it was. People also say that the review was posted the same day the Alien vs. Predator movie novel was released: June 29th. Well, seeing as how the review appeared on Blend News Network at somewhere around 11 a.m., do you think I could have read the novel and written a review by then? Not likely. More importantly, my thoughts about Alien vs. Predator FIRST APPEARED on the Cinema Blend forum on the night of June 28th, which INCLUDES plot details. Face it, I saw the movie. Second, people question my knowledge of the Alien and Predator franchises. I’ve seen all of the Alien movies. I’ve seen both of the Predator movies. I haven’t, however, read any of the comic books or played the videogames dedicated to Alien vs. Predator. People have been telling me that the relationship that exists between the Predator and the humans was in the comic book. So, that makes it okay? That somehow makes it less silly? Sorry, but the ridiculousness of it all is still there. Maybe though it’s handled with some intelligence and grace in the comic book. The way the movie handles it is a completely different story. The last half hour of the movie is borderline a buddy action movie. If only Paul W.S. Anderson had given the Predator some sassy catch phrases…damn, think of the possibilities! Third off, you don’t have to listen to my opinion. The one thing I can maybe be faulted with in my review was telling you not to see Alien vs. Predator. Well, it’s my opinion that nobody should see it, so I don’t believe I’m at fault here. But regardless, if you’re interested in Alien vs. Predator, go see it. I’m not going to stop you. Hell, I don’t care if you like it. You won’t see me e-mailing you, attacking you for liking it. Which brings me to my next point. The reaction to my review has been less than stellar. I continually get e-mail from people questioning my intelligence. I’ve gotten some verbal (visual?) attacks because of this. That has to stop. More importantly, most people have been e-mailing the WRONG person. You’re e-mailing Stuart Wood, BNN reporter, instead of me. You probably all should have read his report because then you would have known that he didn’t write it. To be fair, my e-mail address wasn’t in the report, but fear not, it will be in this one in due time. I was reading a post on AVP Forums (an entire forum dedicated to this movie already? Insane!). This post read as follows (I decided to leave it in its original grammar): “Shortly after I read the website's review I emailed the genetleman who had posted it. I only wished to question him about the details involving how he got into the theater to see the movie this early. However he replied to my (rather formal) email, by using belittling remarks, cussing at me, and generally replying in a way which indicated that he didn't like having his integredy questioned. Such a response to me would indicate that the review IS in fact bogus. And even IF he did see the film I believe that he would claim it 'sucked' anyway just due to the fact that he hates Paul Anderson.” It’s funny, because I’ve never replied to anyone’s e-mail with belittling remarks or “cuss words.” So, there are two possible scenarios here. Either this person e-mailed Stuart by mistake and Stuart (rightfully) got angry. Or this person didn’t e-mail ANYBODY and just made this up, just to further damage me. I’m leaning towards numero dos (Spanish for “number two.”). Well, at least his person got one thing correct…I’m a “genetleman” who doesn’t like having his “integredy” questioned. I don’t feel like talking about Paul W.S. Anderson any more, so I’m just going to quote myself where I already addressed him: “There wasn't a single thing to like. The writing was dry and witless. The acting stunk. The special effects weren't completed so I couldn't really judge those. I gave Alien vs. Predator a shot. I didn't think it looked good, but I wasn't dreading it, as though I would Catwoman. I didn't even think about Paul W.S. Anderson directing it until after the movie was over. I don't hate it BECAUSE he directed it...I just happen to hate everything he's directed. The man just makes terrible movies. This is this year's Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. A movie without a single redeemable element.” On a side note, another thing someone’s been claiming about me is that I think Catwoman looks good. This is completely untrue. This person must have read the original Cinema Blend thread where I thought I was going to be seeing Catwoman and instead I saw Alien vs. Predator. Sarcasm is a wonderful thing, sir. Learn it. I’d like to thank the Cinema Blend staff members and forum participants for backing me up on this subject. I’d also like to thank the sensible people out there who haven’t attacked me and called me a “gay liar” or something. Okay, I’ve said what I feel needed to be said. If you still have questions, you can e-mail me at maxfischerra@yahoo.com where I will try to respond to all questions. I’m off to see the Clearing now…bet you 10 bucks it’ll be better than Alien vs. Predator.  SUBMIT A SCOOP
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